She’s Giving Her Boomer Parents A Taste Of Their Own Medicine Since They Raised Her Without Empathy
This woman grew up with what she calls “classic boomer parents.” They believe that, because they provided for her and her brother, they did an amazing job as parents.
But in her eyes, they severely lacked emotional intelligence and didn’t show up for her in the ways she needed.
Apparently, her father was verbally abusive and even hit her and her brother. On top of that, he was constantly working, whether that was at his actual job or just around the house. And her dad even had an affair with a coworker that went on for years.
So, all of their “family time” seemed to revolve around her dad’s interests. To make matters worse, her mom didn’t do anything about it and always just made excuses for her dad’s behavior. In general, her mom was also quite emotionally manipulative and dismissive of her emotions.
The reality of her childhood has hit her pretty hard ever since she became a mother as well. She now has a young son, and that, coupled with her aging parents, has been overwhelming.
“I have a more challenging kiddo who requires a lot from me. Honestly, he requires the kind of support my brother and I needed as kids. But we would have been yelled at, shamed, and slapped instead,” she explained.
In a somewhat shocking turn of events, though, she recently realized that she’s been giving her parents a taste of their own medicine now that they’re in their golden years, and she actually feels liberated by turning the tables.
It all happened when she started acting “short” with her parents and treating them like a nuisance. Additionally, she noticed that she wasn’t spending that much time with them anymore, despite the fact that they live less than an hour away.
At first, she began to feel guilty, especially because her mom had some serious health issues going on. But then, she had an epiphany.
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“The roles have been reversed. What did they do when I was the one in the helpless position? What precedent did they set?” she asked herself.
And ever since then, she’s been treating her parents with the same attitude and responses they gave her throughout her childhood.
For instance, her parents recently downsized from a home to an apartment, and her mom was upset that she couldn’t hang 17 wind chimes outside on the patio anymore due to a neighbor’s bedroom window being nearby. Her knee-jerk reaction was to say something supportive about the transition, yet she stopped herself in her tracks and wondered what her mother would have done in the same scenario.
According to her, her mom would’ve invalidated her feelings and told her to “suck it up” and “be grateful” since someone else has it “worse.” She wound up taking a page out of her mom’s playbook and doing just that.
More specifically, she told her mom to be thankful for all the years she got to own a property with a yard, which is something many people don’t experience. She also pointed out how she had to live in apartments for years without any outdoor space, and some individuals never get to have yards at all.
Her response quickly made her mom go quiet, and honestly, she really relished the silence.
“It’s the quiet of someone who has just been told that their feelings don’t matter. I know it well. My feelings were always wrong and stupid, too,” she noted.
And it’s not just her mom who’s on the receiving end of her new attitude. Another time, when her dad complained about her wanting to stop attending holidays with her abusive and alcoholic older brother, she gave him an ultimatum, saying, “We could do separate holidays, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
In the wake of her newfound demeanor, she feels like she’s totally let herself “off the hook.” She believes that because her parents didn’t give her compassion when she was vulnerable, they don’t deserve it from her now, even in their old age.
“Oh well. You made your bed. Now go lie in it. I’ll do the things that I want to do with or for them as they did with me. I’ll be as sensitive to their feelings as they were to mine,” she reasoned.
Today, she is reserving all of her empathy and patience for her own son. And she hopes they forge the kind of relationship that, someday, she’ll see reflected back on her when she’s older, and the roles reverse again.
Do you agree that parents aren’t entitled to care and empathy in old age if they weren’t compassionate toward their own kids earlier on? Would you do the same thing in her shoes?
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