She Doesn’t Want To Be Romantic With Her Boyfriend Anymore After Finding Out That He Had No Real Intention Of Marrying Her Throughout Their 15-Year Relationship
This 33-year-old woman has been dating her boyfriend, 38, for the last 15 years. Eight years ago, they got engaged, but they didn’t start wedding planning. During their engagement, she sensed her boyfriend’s hesitancy, so she would occasionally question him about it. Her boyfriend had multiple excuses for why he thought they should put off marriage.
He constantly told her that he didn’t think it was the right time and that they didn’t have enough money saved up for a wedding. She pointed out that she never hinted that she was expecting them to have a wildly extravagant wedding. To ease her boyfriend’s concerns, she suggested an elopement or getting married at the courthouse.
Unfortunately, her boyfriend wasn’t persuaded by these ideas. He rejected her suggestions, stating that he hoped for a more traditional wedding ceremony, reminding her that she’d told him in the past that this was what she dreamed of for her wedding.
Since she and her boyfriend were financially struggling, the engagement ring he gave her cost $20. Eventually, the ring broke, and neither of them got it replaced. They spend roughly $100 getting takeout food or going out, so they would theoretically have enough money for another engagement ring.
A couple of months ago, her boyfriend mentioned that he hoped to buy something for her that was pretty pricey. He added that the item was $1,500, but he didn’t have enough money to buy it. She immediately knew what the item in question was, and she persuaded him to spill the beans.
Over the entirety of their relationship, her boyfriend has never spent more than $100 on gifts for her. Finally, he admitted that he’d wanted to buy her a ring but couldn’t afford the one he had his eye on.
She told her boyfriend that if he’d been serious about purchasing a more expensive engagement ring for her, he could have planned ahead and put $10 a month into savings to go toward a ring. In her view, it was strange and frustrating that her boyfriend mentioned the ring he couldn’t afford and wouldn’t be purchasing.
She didn’t understand why he brought it up in the first place, especially when she’d never stated that she wanted a pricey ring. During their conversation, she also told him that it would be better in the long run for her to have a quality ring since she’d be wearing it for her whole life.
Later, just a few weeks ago, her boyfriend told her that he was planning to start saving to replace his old vehicle. This infuriated her because it was clear that he still wasn’t prioritizing their future engagement or wedding. So, they sat down to have a discussion.
sepy – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“I asked about his real plans and to stop with the excuses and be a man. After much pressure, he said he didn’t think marriage was important. I asked, ‘Why did we get engaged, then?’ He said he wanted to. I told him he makes no sense,” she said.
She gave her boyfriend a hypothetical situation in which his sister had been dating a man for as long as she had been dating him, and she asked him how he would feel if his sister’s boyfriend treated her the way he had treated her over the last 15 years. He didn’t answer.
“I said, ‘You have a month to think and decide, and then I’m leaving. Then, he said, ‘No, you’re not leaving; we’ll get married soon,'” she explained.
Her boyfriend proceeded to mention some financial situations that needed to be resolved before they got married. But after this conversation, she has kept her distance. While she hasn’t been fighting with him or expressing anger, she now treats her boyfriend as if he’s only a roommate rather than a romantic partner. She hardly kisses him once per day and no longer hooks up with him.
“It hurts me because I love him. I feel lonely. But I don’t want to act like everything is okay and ignore the elephant in the room. I feel hurt and rejected. So, now I’m rejecting him as well. He complained a few times and asked why I’m doing this,” she shared.
It’s clear that her boyfriend has no idea why she has pulled away after he made it clear that getting married wasn’t a priority for him. But she no longer wants to act like his girlfriend when he doesn’t seem to have any motivation to marry her.
She and her boyfriend live in a house that he owns, but she owns property that she’s renting out to someone else. They don’t have any debt and have enough money in savings for emergency situations. They are no longer financially struggling as much as they used to, but they’re not wealthy.
Later, she clarified that she makes more money than her boyfriend and that she wants to marry for love, not for his money.
She would never dream of being unfaithful to him and divorcing so that she was entitled to half of his earnings, and he has never been unfaithful to her throughout their relationship. Where she and her boyfriend live, common-law marriages aren’t applicable to their situation.
While she normally wouldn’t care if a man didn’t have an interest in marriage, what she has taken issue with is the fact that her boyfriend was disingenuous about his feelings on the matter. For so long, he told her he wanted to get married but eventually admitted that he didn’t see marriage as significant.
In addition, her boyfriend has told her that he wanted to have children with her, and he was willing to have kids before marriage. He brought up the topic numerous times, but she repeatedly told him, from the beginning of their relationship, that she wouldn’t have children until after she was married.
Her boyfriend acted as if he accepted and respected her decision. Looking back, since her boyfriend has never been motivated to marry her, she thinks that he should have been upfront years ago so that he wasn’t wasting her time.
Her ultimatum and withholding of affection weren’t meant to pressure her boyfriend into marriage. After he finally came clean about his apathy toward marriage, she couldn’t look at him the same way or act like everything was fine.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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