She Left Her Husband’s Children Out Of Her Will Because They Always Made It Clear That She Was Just Their Father’s Wife, Not Their Mother
This 52-year-old woman married a man named John, 58, 15 years ago. Three years before they met, John’s wife sadly passed away due to a tragic accident.
John and his late wife had two children named Mark, 24, and Lisa, 22. Understandably, John’s entire family and his in-laws were shattered when his wife died, and he struggled a lot during the first year of his grief journey.
When she and John first started dating, he communicated often with his late wife’s parents. Since he was now raising two kids on his own, his in-laws pitched in a lot with childcare, and he also leaned on them when he was having a difficult time with his mental health.
She was always comfortable with this, completely understood his connection to his in-laws, and told John that she would never do anything to hinder the bonds with his late wife’s family. Eventually, as their relationship progressed, she met Mark and Lisa.
“They made it known to me instantly that I would never replace their mother and weren’t particularly pleased with my presence in their home. I accepted that, and I, in agreement with John, decided that we would let our relationship advance slowly to let the kids adjust,” she said.
In addition, she and John decided that she wouldn’t attempt to take on the role of a stepmom or move in unless Mark and Lisa indicated they were comfortable with it. They would only get married after receiving Mark and Lisa’s acceptance to do so.
Over the years, everyone in the family attended therapy together and individually since she and John were careful to keep Mark and Lisa’s boundaries in mind regarding their relationship.
So, she lived with John and his children, but she never took on any of the disciplinary responsibilities included in a parental role.
While she attended school Mark and Lisa’s school events, cooked them meals, did housework, and conversed with them in an amicable manner, she never enforced rules.
shurkin_son – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
John’s kids never came to her for approval to go places or do things, and they never divulged anything about their private lives to her or sought out guidance from her.
Since Mark and Lisa evidently didn’t want too close of a bond with her, she accepted the relationship she had with them.
Now, she and John have two daughters of their own, Kate, 13, and Laura, 11. Their daughters developed a close bond with Mark and Lisa as their half-siblings.
A few years ago, John’s children moved out to attend college, and she gave them money to go toward college.
Even when Mark and Lisa still lived at home, she paid for things for them, but now she doesn’t provide them with money anymore.
Over the holidays, John brought up his future retirement. His field is incredibly stressful, and he’s been planning to retire early, making sure to have enough money saved up. He’s hoping to retire within a couple of years or so.
“He still assists his children with a bit of a monthly allowance, and he told them he would be cutting that to put that money toward his savings, and they did not take it well. They looked at me and asked me if I could continue their allowance since I own my business, and it’s doing really well, and I said no,” she explained.
Despite making a decent living, she isn’t wealthy by any means. After John stops working, she’ll be the primary breadwinner. Plus, she has to put away savings for her daughters’ college education, as well as her retirement.
The discussion escalated, and in frustration, Mark and Lisa claimed that she should feel obligated to “take care of them,” which shocked her, considering the fact that for the entire time that she’d known them, they were extremely distant and adamant that they didn’t want her to take on a parental role in her relationship with them.
“They explicitly told me many times (including recently, not just as children, mind you) that I was just their father’s wife, not their mother, so I have absolutely no responsibility toward them in that regard,” she shared.
After she said this, Lisa was furious, stating that she had assumed that she’d be able to inherit the business one day since she started it when Lisa was still a child.
In response, she explained to Mark and Lisa that she didn’t owe either of them anything, especially not her business, adding that she started the business completely on her own before she even met their father. Then, Mark and Lisa walked out in a huff.
John was already aware of her plans for her will, but he was furious with how tense the conversation was with his children.
Later, he was inundated with text messages from Mark and Lisa, as well as his late wife’s parents, calling her self-centered for refusing to financially support John’s kids. Kate and Laura are also angry with her.
Upon reflection, she was frustrated with John because he was the one who started the discussion with Mark and Lisa in the first place, and she didn’t feel like he stood up for her when his kids argued with her decision not to include them in her will or give them money. In addition, he’s always known how his children felt about her and the dynamic they had.
In her view, John should have already known that she didn’t owe his children anything monetarily, especially considering the fact that his kids were adults who had always told her they would never view her as a mother figure.
Unfortunately, John didn’t take her side and told her that she was still legally Mark and Lisa’s stepmother, so she should do what she could to support them, financially or otherwise, if they asked her to.
However, she didn’t agree with this. She clarified that she loved Mark and Lisa but never saw them as her children.
For 15 years, they have told her not to act as a maternal figure, so she obeyed their wishes and has never even felt like a stepmother to them.
From her perspective, the only reason Mark and Lisa are so angry with her is because of the fact that she won’t give them money.
She pointed out that they’ve had a decade and a half to develop a bond with her and actively chose not to. Ironically, now that they know they’re not included in her will, they’re offended.
Eventually, she persuaded John to see the situation from her point of view, and he agreed to have a conversation with Mark and Lisa about the way they treated her.
She’s also planning to chat with Kate and Laura. Before this, her daughters weren’t privy to the details of her relationship with Mark and Lisa.
So, she thinks that now is a good time to sit the two of them down and inform them that John’s kids have never wanted her to be a stepmother to them, and she isn’t even sure if they consider her a family member.
She hopes the conversation won’t negatively affect Kate and Laura’s close relationship with Mark and Lisa.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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