Her Husband Insists That His Mom Be In The Delivery Room, But She’s Totally Against It Because Her Mother-In-Law Hates Her
This 22-year-old woman and her husband, also 22, are having their second child soon. When she gave birth to their first child, she decided for her grandma to be in the delivery room. Her mother isn’t part of her life, but she and her grandmother are close.
For the upcoming birth, her husband has been persistently asking for his mother to be permitted in the delivery room. According to him, this request is “non-negotiable.”
Unfortunately, since the very beginning of her relationship with her husband, his mother has despised her because she accused her of stealing her son away from her. In the past, they’ve yelled at each other during heated fights due to her mother-in-law’s entitled behavior.
Over the years, she’s at times felt terrified, concerned, and as if she didn’t have as much agency in her relationship because of how awful her husband’s mother treated her.
Sadly, her mother-in-law is incredibly critical, so she’s never felt welcomed into her husband’s family. The most recent ordeal occurred on Thanksgiving when her mother-in-law showed up at her house intoxicated.
She expressed to her that she needed to seek therapy or rehab because she wouldn’t allow her to come over or be in the presence of her child while drunk.
From then on, her mother-in-law repeatedly contacted her to ask if she could babysit her child, and she didn’t stop until Christmas.
During all of this, her husband didn’t stand up for her or tell his mother to back off, even though he knew that his mother was problematic and dishonest.
So, she eventually cursed out her mother-in-law because she couldn’t put up with her anymore, especially since her husband’s mother was being so cruel to her and cursed right back at her.
AS Photo Family – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
In her view, she’s done everything she can to resolve their issues. She would love to be able to move forward so that she can at least have a cordial relationship with her husband’s mother. However, her mother-in-law hasn’t reached out to apologize or work things out.
“Now, my husband expects and demands her to be in the delivery room when my mother-in-law and I have a bad relationship. I feel backed into a corner because if I say yes, I will have a horrible labor as she is not a good person for me in a vulnerable state, and if I say no, my husband will think I’m a selfish, spoiled brat because I did not get my way,” she said.
In hindsight, she acknowledged that they’ve compromised a lot throughout their relationship and tried to keep things fair.
They’ve made decisions numerous times based on her wishes, and she doesn’t feel like her husband makes many demands.
However, since she is the one physically giving birth, she believes that her feelings should be the priority over his.
She clarified that throughout their marriage, her husband has been an amazing partner, and she feels grateful for how giving and caring he is.
Her husband has provided for her, supported her, and usually stands up for her. In her view, he’s the best partner she could have ever asked for.
But she’s feeling pressured to change her mind and allow her husband’s mother to be in the delivery room because she doesn’t want her husband to feel disrespected if she refuses.
“I offered to compromise with him and agree to not have anybody in the delivery room with me, just him and me because that’s an experience we’ve never had. And although I’m not okay with this, I’m trying to meet him 50% of the way, and I suggested that his family be the first people to see our new baby once I’m postpartum,” she explained.
Even though she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of her husband’s family meeting their baby before anyone else, she thought this would mean a lot to her husband.
Her preference would be to have tons of time to prioritize healing from childbirth. But her husband rejected her ideas and didn’t think they would make up for his mother not being allowed in the delivery room. In his opinion, she cares more about their children than him.
Both her husband and other members of his family have stated that her husband needs a second person in the room with him in case he needs to leave momentarily and because of how emotionally and physically exhausting the experience will be.
Her husband feels that he needs someone who will support him. It would be helpful if his mother was in the room to fill in if he had to go get some food.
“During the first birth, he was not comfortable with my grandmother being there but held his tongue and agreed because I was scared during my first. Now that I know what’s happening, I’m okay with it just being the both of us,” she shared.
At the same time, she would be thrilled if her sister could be in the room with them because her sister is supportive and would be a positive person when she’s in labor.
Her husband told her that since he was uncomfortable when her grandmother was in the delivery room for the birth of their first child, it was only fair that his mother be there for this birth, even though she was not comfortable with it.
While she’s heard that there’s the possibility that she will regret not allowing her mother-in-law in the delivery room, she would rather do what feels right at the time and take the risk of possible regret that only she, not her husband, would be experiencing.
About two weeks ago, she and her husband had an appointment for an anatomy ultrasound. Her husband mentioned the idea of inviting his parents, and she agreed, but neither of them accepted the invitation to the appointment.
So, it’s clear to her that even when she gives her mother-in-law chances to come together in celebration of her baby, she won’t accept these chances.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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