He And His Girlfriend Were Supposed To Move In Together, But He Wound Up Breaking Up With Her Instead Upon Finding Out She Had $20,000 In Credit Card Debt
After going out for a year, this 29-year-old man dumped his girlfriend, Lisa, 28. He ended their relationship because he was concerned about his girlfriend’s spending and debt. His family was in poverty during his childhood, so he paid for college with scholarships.
While in school, he had wonderful mentors who helped him network. He earned his Ph.D. in an impressive field, and now he is earning a great living and is financially stable. Since he’s experienced poverty, he has been careful with his spending.
A year ago, he and Lisa matched on a dating app. Lisa was gorgeous, intelligent, and charismatic. Their relationship had been going smoothly, and they hardly argued. He and Lisa also had a lot of common values.
Lisa was stylish and had a good eye, which helped him because he had no idea what looked good clothing-wise or while decorating his apartment. Lisa gave him fashion tips to update his outfits and ideas for how to jazz up his apartment.
Because her lease ended in several months, he suggested she move in with him. She was thrilled and accepted his offer. But before moving their relationship forward, they agreed to talk about their finances.
“Two weeks ago, we sat down, and I made an Excel sheet to decide how we were planning to pay for stuff. I knew I made significantly more than her, and I offered we pay proportionally, which she happily agreed to. For that purpose, I asked her how much she makes, and it was lower than I would have anticipated based on her lifestyle,” he said.
He questioned how she could buy luxury handbags and take extravagant trips with her income. Lisa looked humiliated and explained that she had $20,000 of credit card debt.
He’d already been aware of her student loan debt, which didn’t concern him, but the credit card debt was new information. After learning about that, it became clear that Lisa spent more money than she had, with no idea how she’d pay off the debt.
During their conversation, Lisa assured him that if she moved in with him, she’d be better able to pay off her debt since she’d pay less in monthly expenses. She predicted that she could pay off all the debt in a year but added that she couldn’t be listed on the lease since she had a bad credit history.
theartofphoto – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Since their discussion, he began reconsidering whether he wanted to continue dating Lisa. He’d hoped to stay with her for the long haul and eventually marry her.
“However, based on what I have seen, she is very irresponsible with money. I have trauma from childhood where my father would spend money on gambling and fancy items (to impress his friends) that we could not afford, and that meant we were barely scraping by,” he explained.
Luckily, his mom maintained the household and ensured they had enough food to eat. He knew he couldn’t date someone with reckless spending habits like his father, and he didn’t want to deal with painful situations like what his mom went through.
When he expressed his concerns with Lisa, she got angry and claimed she wasn’t expecting him to provide for her, stating that she’d pay off her debt on her own. She explained that she made stupid choices with money several years ago, and now she’s been in a vicious cycle of using credit cards.
“She also said she is willing to learn from me, as her parents never taught her how to handle money. She also pointed out things I learned from her that I lacked. She asked me to give her time, but I just don’t think I can play the same role as my mother,” he shared.
They continued discussing the issue for a bit longer, but he ultimately said they couldn’t live together until she paid off her credit card debt. In response, Lisa said if she continued living alone, she couldn’t pay off her debt, so they ended their relationship. Lisa asked if he’d consider getting back together, but he said he needed space to think it through.
His friends adore Lisa and think she’s the best woman for him. They believe she improved his life and made him a better man. According to his friends, he’s dumb for breaking up with someone over an issue that could be resolved, especially when they didn’t have any other problems in their relationship. They think he’s making the worst decision of his life.
Despite his friends’ attempts to persuade him to get back together with Lisa, he doesn’t have faith that she’d become financially responsible. No matter what Lisa claimed, he was certain he’d have to pay for her extravagant lifestyle, especially if they got married, because, in that scenario, Lisa wouldn’t feel like it was crucial to be frugal with money.
What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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