Rebecca Meyer
This 29-year-old man has been dating a 26-year-old woman for three months. They met when a mutual friend introduced them to each other at a bar one night. She’s gorgeous, sharp, and self-assured, so he was immediately interested in her. They had chemistry right away and hung out a lot over the following several weeks.
As they started getting to know each other, he found out that she and her boyfriend of six years split up not long ago. Their relationship ended on good terms, and they remained close friends. She and her ex-boyfriend grab dinner or drinks and catch each other up on their lives.
However, she assured him that she and her ex were only friends. She explained that her ex supported her through a difficult time in her life, and even though they were no longer dating, they had a close bond.
“I said, ‘Cool,’ as I didn’t care about that since we were just casually seeing each other. After two weeks after that, she brings up the possibility of us being more than just casual hookups/date partners and being in an actual relationship,” he said.
In response, he said he’d agreed to be exclusive on the condition that she stop hanging out with and talking to her ex-boyfriend. She assumed he was kidding and laughed. He clarified that he wasn’t kidding.
“I’m not dating a woman who’s still going out on dates with her ex. I don’t mind if you have a healthy, non-toxic relationship with your ex, but catching up and communicating frequently?” he explained.
He didn’t want to deal with a girlfriend who constantly hung out with an ex-boyfriend, pointing out that he doesn’t have dinner or take shots at a bar with any of his ex-girlfriends. In his view, it was reasonable to expect his potential girlfriend to not communicate with any exes.
She told him she would never cut off contact with her ex-boyfriend, and he told her if that was the case, he was content with their relationship remaining the way it was, without exclusivity. At first, she accepted this and agreed.
“Two minutes later, she started going off on me for being insecure. I said that I’m not insecure, and I just have certain boundaries,” he shared.
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