Chip Chick
Last week, this woman received a terrifying medical diagnosis. Her husband has always been the type of person who tries to ignore reality and pretend that everything will be okay when terrible things happen. Their situation is only ever okay because she puts in the effort to ensure they’re all right.
“He just ignores it until it goes away. I’m his carer (he had a stroke 18 months ago). He thinks he’s a lot worse than he is. He has reduced movement in his arm and can’t walk too far,” she said.
Aside from some limitations, he can do household chores that aren’t too strenuous and cook simple meals or make sandwiches for himself. However, they’d been in a routine where she cared for him in every way, and he didn’t do much for himself. She acknowledged that it’s partially her fault since she has continued doing things for him that he could do.
When she’s been sick over the years, her husband would stay hungry instead of cooking meals for them. They discussed this issue, and he assured her he’d improve. She describes herself as someone who needs space to process and feel despair before she can pick herself back up and face her adversities head-on.
After receiving her diagnosis, she informed her husband that she’d give herself one week to feel pity and sorrow for herself and give herself room to think about her fears. But after that, she would work to battle through the diagnosis.
“I told him I needed his support and I refused to do this alone. I don’t need him to give me special treatment, but I need him to be mindful of what I am going through and step up a little,” she explained.
A week since their conversation, her husband has washed the dishes once and hasn’t done any other housework. She asked him to recall their discussion when he assured her he would do more chores around the house. In response, he insisted she write him a list of what to do.
She told him he was aware of the chores he needed to do and that he was competent enough to know his physical limitations. Then, she pointed out that he doesn’t write a list of chores she needs to do, yet she can do the chores she is physically able to. While she didn’t need him to deep clean daily, she hoped he’d wash the dishes and do laundry.
Over the last week, her husband hasn’t done any chores and purposely stands by to watch her get to them instead, claiming he was getting ready to start doing some housework. Unfortunately, he hasn’t given her the emotional or physical support she needs.
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