She Feels Her Friend Set Her Up To Fail As A Maid Of Honor By Expecting Her To Take On More Responsibilities, Even Though She Told Her She Couldn’t
This woman was the maid of honor two months ago at her friend B’s wedding. She was thrilled when B asked her to fill this role but was nervous because she knew she couldn’t go above and beyond like many maids of honor usually do.
From the beginning, she was up-front with B about her uncertainty, adding that she’d be willing to step down from her role if it wasn’t working out or if B thought someone else would be a better fit.
During their conversations, B assured her it would be fine because her wedding would be small and unorthodox, and she didn’t expect her to do much aside from standing next to her during the ceremony.
After her discussions with B, she felt more at ease with accepting the role. She talked with the groom’s friends at the reception after the ceremony. They discussed the massive bachelor party they’d organized for the groom, and the best man’s girlfriend wanted details of the bachelorette party she’d thrown for B.
“I had to admit I hadn’t organized any celebration for her. The atmosphere with that group felt awkward after that, and I could tell the girlfriend was judging me,” she said.
Later, she talked with B’s aunt, who gushed about B’s gorgeous wedding dress. Her aunt wanted to know where they found it, assuming she went wedding dress shopping with B. She explained to B’s aunt that she hadn’t gone dress shopping with B, and B’s aunt looked shocked and asked, “‘But aren’t you the maid of honor?'”
A couple of weeks after the wedding, B and her now-husband, H, stopped by her house with a thank you card for the wedding gift she gave them. H seemed a bit cold during the interaction. Days later, she saw H at the grocery store, and B wasn’t with him. She tried to say hi to him, but he completely snubbed her. At this point, she realized he must have been upset with her.
“So, I called B and asked if something was going on with H. She played dumb at first, but I got her to admit he was upset with me for not putting more ‘effort’ into the wedding stuff,” she explained.
Eventually, she learned that H’s friends and B’s parents sided with H and believed she should have taken on more responsibilities and duties as the maid of honor. During the phone call with B, she questioned what B’s opinion was, and B told her that while she wasn’t angry with her, she understood H’s perspective and why people sided with him.
Mehmed – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
She pointed out that when she expressed her concerns about accepting the role, B assured her that all she had to do was stand up with her during the wedding ceremony.
In response, B claimed that she assumed she’d be motivated to take on more responsibilities as they got closer to the wedding date. She told B she was sorry for letting her down, and they ended their call soon after. They haven’t talked since then, and she’s worried there’s tension in their friendship now.
“I don’t want to make it worse by getting defensive, but I’m feeling kind of resentful. Looking back on the months leading up to the wedding, it felt like B set me up to fail by telling me I wasn’t expected to be involved with things I apparently was. Was I supposed to be a mind reader?” she wondered.
In hindsight, it felt unfair that B would have expected her to take on maid of honor duties she’d never agreed to or known she was expected to in the first place. When they had the initial conversation, and B asked her to be the maid of honor, she was honest about her hesitancy.
She told B from the start that she wasn’t in a financial position to plan huge events for her, and when B expressed that this was fine, she took B at her word.
Later, she asked her mother and sister what they thought about the situation. Her sister agreed that it was B’s responsibility to tell her what she expected from her as a maid of honor.
On the other hand, her mother told her she shouldn’t have accepted the role if she knew she couldn’t take on the expected responsibilities.
Upon reflection, she wondered if she’d been a terrible maid of honor and friend, but she couldn’t help feeling irritated that B wasn’t honest about what she expected from her during the wedding planning process.
Do you think she did anything wrong?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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