It’s been nearly three years now that this 31-year-old woman and her 35-year-old boyfriend have been together, and for all but six months of their relationship, they have been battling a rare STD.
She has only ever been with three guys in her life prior to meeting her boyfriend, and before they got together, she did get tested. Her results came back clean, so she figured she had nothing to worry about.
As for her boyfriend, he’s been with over 20 girls but mentioned he practiced safety measures with everyone except his serious partners.
He also maintained that he got tested all the time, so when things between them got serious, they slept together without using any kind of protection.
“Six months into our relationship, boom, he got symptoms,” she explained. “We got tested, he was positive, I was negative.”
She then learned that her boyfriend wasn’t exactly honest and hadn’t been safe with all of his less serious partners.
Additionally, when her boyfriend got tested in the past, those tests only were for the STDs that are more common.
It turns out the STD her boyfriend has is pretty rare, so he never ended up getting tested for that, while she did.
They started a treatment plan instantly, but what they had was resistant, and her boyfriend kept getting symptoms even though he was testing negative.
It’s now been two and a half years that her boyfriend has dealt with his irritating symptoms – namely, itchiness and redness. It hardly threatens his life, but it certainly turns her off. As for her, she remains symptom-free.
They’ve been regularly testing every three or four months, which comes down to five or six texts in the time they’ve been together. Her boyfriend tested positive twice in that time span, while she was only positive one time.
“But every single test round, both of us ended up taking antibiotics, as recommended by doctors, since he still had symptoms and the chance of a false negative with this STD is particularly high,” she said.
“So it took a physical toll on us too. The first year, I did not complain nor blame him at all. STDs can happen to anyone, I thought; no need for the blame game.”
“I went to and paid for my own treatments. After the first year passed and I realized that this is more complicated than I thought, I started being resentful because: 1) He initially did not apologize for having given me [a] STD, 2) He never offered to pay for my treatment or at least go with me to see the doctor, and 3) it took a heavy toll on our [personal] life – he never initiated…and I felt so unwanted.”
Things got so bad they had to literally create a schedule for personal time together, but that didn’t help reignite the flame.
Her boyfriend insisted he was still attracted to her, but he had a mental block now caused by his health problems.
Her boyfriend really is wonderful, and she knows it was solely her choice to keep hanging in there with him, but it upsets her he doesn’t recognize how much she has had to sacrifice to be with him.
Not once did her boyfriend apologize for putting her through this rollercoaster, and not once did he thank her for standing by him.
Well, he did say sorry exactly one time, but that was after she got angry with him and asked if he was actually sorry.
Currently, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel for them, as the doctor messed up the last testing round they went through, and it came back inconclusive, so it looks like they’re facing another one.
She hates feeling unappreciated and unwanted, and on top of that, scared for her personal health. She and her boyfriend have been arguing a lot, since she’s been honest with her feelings, which resulted in him feeling like the bad guy getting blamed.
If she were in her boyfriend’s shoes, she would say sorry, be grateful to him for not leaving her, and do her best to have a good attitude about everything.
“And I became resentful because he’s doing none of that,” she added. “I just want some acknowledgment, I guess.”
“In his defense, his situation was worse (because he actually had symptoms and I didn’t…), and he said I’m making it all about me even though he has it worse. He said to just deal with the fact that we might have to deal with this a bit longer or just leave him altogether, but if I decided to stay, I should not be resentful nor demand further apologies or gratitude from him.”
“I agree with the apologies (I also don’t want him to keep saying sorry), but I feel like him showing a bit more gratitude in this situation would go a long way in helping me deal with the resentment. So, who’s in the right here, and if it’s my partner, how do I make myself less resentful?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
