She Told Her Best Friend That She Needed To Find A Paid Childcare Option Because Getting Called To Babysit At The Last Minute Isn’t Respectful Of Her Or Her Time
This 27-year-old woman’s best friend, 27, is married and has two children under 3. On the other hand, she is also married, but she and her husband don’t have children.
They have been good friends for about a year and met because they work in the same field. Unfortunately, the friendship feels incredibly unbalanced and unfair.
She owns her own business, is her own boss, and works remotely. While she is super busy during the workday, she tries to maintain a flexible schedule. Her friend lives a half hour away and doesn’t seem to respect that she’s busy with her job.
“My friend always wants me to come over and help out with her two kids. I’ve noticed that I’ve been going over about twice a week for over six months,” she said.
When she tells her friend she’s too busy to stop by, her friend guilt-trips her, saying how anxious she is and how difficult it is to struggle with postpartum depression.
Because she feels so awful for her friend, she feels persuaded to go to her friend’s house and provide any support needed. She buys lunch, cares for her friend’s children, and hangs out with her friend. Recently, her husband has been voicing his concerns.
“He feels like I’m being taken advantage of, and essentially a free helping hand/lunch/childcare for two days a week, because I’m consistently helping her,” she explained.
After hearing her husband’s perspective, she agreed, but she’s a people pleaser who has difficulty turning people down when they ask for help. Whenever her friend requests help to care for her children, her friend has made her feel obligated, bringing up that she works remotely and doesn’t have children.
Her friend always says she’s in a stressful situation and needs support. Her friend’s husband doesn’t offer much support. A couple of days ago, her friend wanted to attend an in-person work meeting and didn’t give her much advance notice when she asked if she could care for her children. If she agreed, she’d have to babysit for four hours that night.
ChrisGhinda – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She told her friend she was unavailable because she and her husband wanted to hang out. Her friend said she and her husband could hang out at her house together and care for her children. So, she agreed to the idea and persuaded her husband to go with her to her friend’s house to babysit.
The following day, she advised her friend to look into paid daycare, adding that it’s not fair to rely on her and not give her advance notice to babysit, especially when the reason she needs childcare isn’t due to an emergency.
“I mentioned that it wasn’t respectful to me and my time. This is all unpaid, and it feels so one-sided. She never comes to my house; we never go out for lunch/activities,” she shared.
It felt especially unfair that her friend didn’t give her advance notice when she’d been planning to attend the work meeting for several months. Whenever they hang out, she goes to her friend’s house, and they don’t do anything else.
Once she expressed her thoughts, her friend claimed she would be a terrible friend if she didn’t continue supporting her and caring for her children when she asked. Her friend views her as her kids’ “‘Aunt'” and assumes she adores her children and loves playing a pivotal role in their lives.
While she does love her friend’s children, she doesn’t want to babysit. Her friend also told her she was upset that she’d told her she felt exploited. She was stunned by her friend’s response.
When she’d been expressing her views, she assured her friend that she appreciated her and their friendship, which was why she was being honest.
She hoped they could have a stable, long-term friendship, so she wanted to resolve their issues. Even though she doesn’t have children, she knows that she would never treat anyone like her friend treated her if she did.
According to her friend, babysitting a friend’s children is a normal part of a friendship with a mother, but she didn’t agree.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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