Her Fiancé Just Said Without Warning That He Doesn’t Think He Can Marry Her One Month Before Their Wedding
For five years, this 26-year-old woman and her 28-year-old fiancé have been together, and they have been living in the same house for the last four years.
Throughout the course of their relationship, she says they have never actually argued about anything or had difficult discussions.
She feels that they communicate well and are talented when it comes to reading the other person. But, over the last week, her fiancé hasn’t been acting quite right. He’s been off, napping a ton, and acting distant towards her.
Three times she questioned him if he was alright, and he reassured her that everything was fine.
“Well now today after a few errands together, he tells me he “doesn’t think he can get married,” she explained.
“He listed the issues of finance and intimacy as his primary issues he can’t get over. In regards to finances, we both have student debt. I have significantly more.”
“But he has known this since we started dating 5+ years ago. It hasn’t hindered us too much as we own a house (which is his technically, he paid for it and got it with a VA loan aka no down payment).”
For reference, she’s $125,000 in student debt, and she admits she didn’t understand the magnitude of that when she was 18 and took out the loans.
While things in their relationship began with an understanding that they would share their money, over time it became his vs. hers.
Yulia Sugarbox – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She was sending her fiancé money for her part of the mortgage on Venmo, but then she felt that was strange, so she began paying for everything like groceries and gas instead to make up for it.
Her fiancé does earn $25,000 more than her, and he mentioned that he’s not in the spot he wants to be moneywise.
She suspects he wants to have a larger home and the money to do more activities, but then he said because of her student debt, she’s going to be the one holding him back.
He also pointed out how he’s making large purchases while she’s “along for the ride.” Now regarding their personal life, she knows it’s lacking, however, over the last couple of months, she’s been making a real effort.
She kisses her fiancé every time she comes home and even randomly to show him she cares, but he always seems hesitant.
She feels blindsided honestly over her fiancé wanting to end things out of the blue with their wedding one month away.
“He has not come to me with any of this or tried to have any sort of conversation prior to this,” she said.
“He literally just told me today “I don’t know if I can get married.” We’ve been engaged for over a year now. Honeymoon is all booked, planning is pretty much all done. Also to add that I’ve paid for the majority of the wedding and the honeymoon.”
“I truly don’t know what to do. I asked him if he wanted this to be a conversation or if he was telling me as he’s already made a decision. He said he didn’t really have any thoughts right now, he’s been stressing over it for so long and hasn’t been sleeping. And that he has been doing reading and that these two issues are the biggest leading causes for divorce. I am just speechless and at a loss…”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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