His Wife Came Out As Non-Binary, And Now He’s Doubting Their Marriage

Ten years ago, this 30-year-old man met his wife, who is the same age as him, and four years ago, they got married.
Around a year ago, his wife gradually came out to him as non-binary after dropping a lot of hints to him.
“Then said their pronouns were they/them, but I could still call them she before I eventually asked and confirmed that they would like me to use the non-binary pronouns as well,” he explained.
Now, he identifies as a straight man and admits that he’s not attracted to people who are non-binary. Despite his preferences, he didn’t rush to file for divorce, as he does still love his partner very much.
That being said, after his partner came out, he started to lose all attraction to his partner, as he is only attracted to women, and they began appearing gender-neutral instead of feminine.
Initially, his partner promised that they were only changing their pronouns and maintained that they would still be the exact same person that he knows and adores.
“However, the more I come to terms with them not being a woman, the more I see them as someone who I may not be compatible with,” he said.
“They’ve even mentioned some things that I am really not a fan of, such as wearing a binder or getting their voice lowered (this one we had an uncomfortable conversation about).”
“Even more recently, they’ve had some health issues, and it has made me really re-evaluate our relationship. They are female health issues, which has highlighted my partner’s gender identity as it comes up more frequently, including their disdain for their feminine parts. As a straight guy, it makes me wince and feel more disconnected from them.”

Jacob Lund – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
There are more issues coming up in their marriage than simply his partner’s gender, and this is all leading him to think that their relationship could be coming to an end.
Overall, there is no equality between them, which is difficult for him to deal with. He makes excellent money at his job and is left paying for pretty much everything.
He pays for their medical bills, their rent, their vacations, and their ability to eat out. Although he’s financially supporting them both, his partner constantly complains to their friends about being broke.
This upsets him, as he provides his partner with quite a cushy life where they only have to pay for the bare minimum in terms of expenses.
His partner’s friends have since come to view him as unsupportive and selfish over his partner’s complaints.
As for his partner, they always decline to work more hours at their job and are not interested in working in a position that pays more.
He attempts not to fund his partner’s entire existence, as he wants them to be an independent individual.
But there’s no way around how stressful it is for him to be financially responsible for the two of them.
“We’ve recently discussed buying a house and I can’t help but think I will end up taking the entire mental load of that other than actually picking a cute place,” he added.
“This is exacerbated by the fact that I work with many professional women who support themselves, and I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to not carry almost the entire weight of the relationship. I feel like my partner folds during challenges and I have to lift them and the situation back up.”
Directly before his partner began struggling with health issues, they revealed that they managed to get into $3,000 of debt.
He did pay off the debt, and is currently scared that his partner will do something irresponsible like this again.
Aside from the financial hiccups in their marriage, his partner isn’t interested anymore in being active or healthy.
He’s left feeling like he is the only one in this marriage pushing for them to be better, and he wants to have a partner who helps lift him up, too.
“I still love my partner very much and always will, whatever happens in our future,” he continued.
“We are good together on a zoomed-in level, but these high-level topics concern me. Overall, I’m not looking for people to tell me to leave or stay; I just want some validation that I’m not having a weird episode and would be throwing away years of history for something inconsequential.”
“If I do decide that this needs to be addressed in our relationship, the first step is going to be counseling before anything drastic happens.”
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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