Chip Chick
It can also make it difficult for you to focus on or remember your partner’s good qualities. After all, if you’re keeping track of everything they’ve done wrong, those incidents will constantly swirl around in your head, clouding all the memories of their good qualities.
So, if you have found yourself beginning to become a scorekeeper or have a reputation for being a scorekeeper regarding relationships, here’s how to end the habit.
First, you want to make sure that your communication with your partner is top-notch. You’ll be less likely to keep score and constantly remind yourself of all the bad things they’ve done if you address those bad things immediately and tell your partner how you feel about them.
That way, instead of holding onto the past and using it against your partner, you can address your issues head-on and hopefully prevent them from occurring more often in the future.
If you have the habit of scorekeeping and like to keep track of all the service-related things you’ve done for your partner and the lack of service they’ve given you, it’s time to speak up and ask your partner for what you need.
Sometimes, it can be difficult for people to perform acts of service if they can’t tell what you really want from them. Therefore, it’s important to speak up. That way, if they actually ignore what you want, you can be sure that you asked them outright.
Finally, a good tip for stopping scorekeeping is to be ready to work with your partner. It’s no secret that relationships require work, and the moment you find yourself scorekeeping, it could indicate that you and your partner need to make some changes.
Perhaps you and your partner can sit down with a couples therapist or even promise to talk to each other about how you feel more often. If you don’t put the work in or if you’re not willing to put the work in your relationship, it will start to decline.
Again, being a scorekeeper doesn’t mean that you are crazy or bad at being in relationships. It’s very likely that you grew up under the influence of a scorekeeper or know a lot of scorekeepers in your inner circle.
However, remember that it’s a habit worth breaking, and you’ll have a little more peace of mind when you decide to stop.
