She Broke Down After Finding Out That Her Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed Since He Thinks He Can Find Someone Prettier Than Her
Back when she was graduating from high school, this 30-year-old woman met her 31-year-old boyfriend and they’ve dated on and off throughout the last 13 years.
They officially broke up for a year and six months, and she went on to date another guy. She didn’t feel the same way about her new man and wound up getting back together with her boyfriend since he tried really hard to win her back.
From there, her relationship with her boyfriend progressed quickly. Within a handful of months, they moved in together. They currently own a home and a dog.
She’s madly in love with her boyfriend and pictures spending the rest of her life by his side. They have been chatting about marriage for several years, and she figured he would propose whenever they decided to settle down and try for children.
But to be honest, she wasn’t that into getting married since she assumed their relationship already was a serious commitment for them both.
Six months ago, she was using their shared computer one day when she found a document her boyfriend had written, and it was all about her.
“He was contemplating why he hadn’t married me after all this time, and he basically said that if he was honest with himself – in the back of his mind, he knew he could find someone much more physically attractive than me,” she explained.
“And that was holding him back. He went on to say that I had other more important qualities and that he knew that was a shallow reason not to get married.”
“Let me just say…I broke…down. [I] could barely get through my work day. Something about the way he said MUCH more physically attractive broke me. It wasn’t anything specific. Just me as a whole. Like it was a given that he could do, not just a little better, but SO much better because I was just that unattractive or something.”
SHOTPRIME STUDIO – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Later on, she brought up the document, and her boyfriend admitted he felt awful about what he wrote in there.
He promised he didn’t actually feel like that about her and claimed he had no clue why he crafted those words.
She simply didn’t buy what he was saying, because he did write it. Clearly those were valid feelings, and it’s how her boyfriend has felt for years.
It’s not like her boyfriend wrote that in a moment of anger or wrote it in an attempt to hurt her. She knows her boyfriend is entitled to his feelings and that she cannot force the man to desire her.
“But it eats away at me every day. I can’t get it out of my head, and just when I think I have, it pops back up,” she added.
“I have never felt uglier, less confident, or more concerned about the way I look. And that says a lot, as I’ve never been all that confident in myself. I worked hard to gain what confidence I did have as an adult, and that’s gone now.”
She’s been obsessing over how her boyfriend hardly pays her compliments and how they never are physically close with the lights on.
She’s second-guessing every aspect of their relationship, and it’s destroying what she thought they had.
Not long after she found the document, she learned that her boyfriend has secret social media accounts so he can follow gorgeous women.
He doesn’t speak to these girls or comment on their photos, but he does like their videos and posts. She confronted him about this, and he broke down sobbing while apologizing.
She knew he was embarrassed and actually remorseful, but it was a lot for her to deal with on top of the document. It only served to make her feel more unworthy and ugly.
Especially since the women her boyfriend was following were all her polar opposites. She’s tiny, with auburn hair and a flat chest, but they were all curvy blondes or brunettes. The insecurity she’s now battling is crippling.
“I have always known I was average and not exactly beautiful but people always have acted like I’m at least a little more attractive than I gave myself credit for,” she admitted.
“I know now it’s just them being nice, and I feel like this just reaffirmed every fear I had since I was a little girl. This person who was supposed to love me didn’t want to even marry me because of the way I looked.”
“Even after knowing eachother years and living together for 7. The real kicker is…now he wants to get married. He even had me pick out a ring. He says he wants kids. The future. Everything we planned on. I know he’s trying, and I love him so much. But…I just feel like I’m a consolation prize now.”
“I want to not care. I try to remind myself he loves me in spite of this. That looks aren’t important, but obviously, they are. Especially as a woman, I know it matters. It held him back this long, didn’t it?”
Her boyfriend is super handsome, and she has never for a second felt unattracted to him, so it hurts that he doesn’t feel the same about her.
He’s never been one for words, and he’s trying his hardest with his actions right now, but it’s not enough to make her forget what he said.
She wishes she could put this all behind her, but it’s preventing her from wanting to get married. She’s so worried that if she says yes, he will be thinking she’s ugly as she walks down the aisle on their wedding day.
The only person she has confided in is her mom, who maintains tons of men have felt this way about their partners at some time. She worries her mom is only saying that to make her feel better, and she doesn’t.
“How do we best move forward? Am I being unfair to him by stopping him from being with someone he’s truly and fully attracted to?” she wondered.
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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