Emily Chan
Have you been struggling to get your boyfriend to hear what you’ve been saying? You’ve tried crying, yelling, and pleading, but your words just seem to go in one ear and out the other.
TikToker Esther Sarphatie (@sarphatieesther) is a psychologist and dating coach, and she’s detailing five different ways you can punish your boyfriend when he has been behaving badly.
Number one: don’t try to control him. Men will do what they want even when their significant others don’t approve of it.
Instead, explain how you feel about the situation. Always start out a conversation about your feelings with the words, “I feel,” not “You make me feel…”
The latter phrase can cause a conversation to escalate into an argument because it casts blame onto your partner and puts them in defensive mode.
So, when having a discussion about feelings, use an “I feel” statement to get your point across in an effective but non-threatening manner.
Number two: don’t play the victim. Giving your boyfriend a sob story won’t help matters. Keep your emotions in check, and let him be the one to look bad.
If you burst into tears, that shows he is in control and that he has the upper hand in your relationship, which will make it even more difficult to rein in his behavior.
Number three: keep in mind that positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative punishments. When your boyfriend remembers your anniversary, express how much that means to you.
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