He’s Been Falling Out Of Love With His Wife Ever Since She Got A Girlfriend
In 2018, this 35-year-old man met his 30-year-old wife, and they dated for seven months before getting married.
He did have to go overseas for some time, but he was head over heels in love with his wife. While he was away, he proposed to her, and they got married when he came home the next year. He admits they were in a honeymoon era when they tied the knot.
Now, he and his wife agreed that they could both see other women while he was abroad so that his wife wouldn’t feel lonely without him.
In hindsight, he can see that they failed to establish healthy guidelines around this, but they spent an entire year dating the same girl collectively before they chose to pursue other women.
Then, in 2021, his wife met her current 25-year-old girlfriend, which was a whirlwind romance, but he thought it was just giving off new relationship energy.
“Little things started changing- she stopped wearing her wedding ring, was texting her a large portion of the time, [was] less interested in [being physical], changed her social media pictures from us to just her, etc.,” he explained.
“A lot of things I would look past in a one-off instance, but combined, there were some serious red flags. I tried talking to her about it several times, but she reassured me there weren’t any issues and that I was [a] priority.”
“Despite her saying this, I did not feel like I was, and I pushed down a lot of those emotions as just me being insecure or worrying too much. My love and feelings didn’t change very much towards my wife, but slowly, she began feeling a little distant, and I just chalked these things up as a “part of our relationship.”
Their friends began to notice things in their marriage weren’t quite right, as well as girls he went on to see, and he would laugh while saying he and his wife were totally fine, though he knew they were not.
PhotoBook – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
He was afraid to acknowledge everything was coming apart for him. Then people began to ask why his wife had no problem with him seeing other women, and he said she really didn’t mind.
For years, it all continued on this path until he had to go abroad for a second time. There, he reconnected with one of his old girlfriends, and when he came home, he began to really show interest in her.
His old girlfriend gave him back what he had lost with his wife. His old girlfriend had recently gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn’t cool with him still having a wife, so they stopped seeing one another. He understands why she wanted space, but it deeply hurt him.
“She told me several times how much it messed her up seeing me with my wife, how weird it felt being able to see and sleep with me…,” he added.
“I tried to connect the dots as to why the breakup hurt and realized some of it was what I was craving for with my spouse since she had now invested many years into this other girl and was staying there 2-3 times a week and obviously in love with her.”
He then had a very candid conversation with his wife on the same day his old girlfriend dumped him, and his wife revealed she felt jealous of his old girlfriend.
He told his wife he was envious of her own girlfriend, and he said that while he wasn’t asking his wife to ditch this girl, he was asking her to take his feelings into consideration.
His wife exited their conversation and spent the night with her girlfriend, but not before he mentioned to his wife he felt emotionally crushed by the state of their marriage.
He and his wife then invested more into one another and attempted to save their marriage. But his wife refused to allow him to sit down with her girlfriend and have a group chat, stating they’re going to be breaking up soon.
His wife says she needs time to detach from her girlfriend, so that’s why she’s not dumping her now, but he doubts she will get dumped at all because his wife has done this before.
Right now, he feels like his wife has pushed him aside for so long, leaving him craving attention, that he no longer feels like he’s in love with his wife.
“I love her, and I chose to be with her, and she is obviously making attempts again (wearing her ring, being present, etc.) but feeling like she hasn’t been “fully” committed to me for so long and is dividing her time, love and emotional energy [which] has left me feeling empty,” he said.
He really would like to leave his wife and find a new girl he can trust and feel that spark with, but he’s hesitant to walk away because they have built a marriage together.
It might not be a solid one, but it is something they have worked on over the years. So, here he is, falling out of love with his wife while wondering what to do.
He knows he and his wife should have enforced better boundaries with their romantic partners all along and that it’s their fault things are breaking down, but that isn’t going to help him any today.
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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