After A Decade Of Marriage That Ultimately Ended In Divorce, He Learned These 8 Lessons
This man was married for a decade, but it all ended in divorce. After splitting from his wife, he’s taken time to reflect on his life and what went well in his marriage, along with what was tragic.
He also thought about what could have made a difference and turned things around, and he shared his newfound insights with those closest to him.
“I spoke with a few people, both men and women, and it hit me: many people are searching for a spouse but may not fully understand the depth of what marriage truly is,” he explained.
“I’m sharing my experiences here, not to discourage anyone but to shed light on what I wish I’d known.”
“Hopefully, these insights will be helpful to anyone seriously considering marriage or looking to strengthen their current relationship.”
So, let’s get into the eight lessons he says he learned along the way. His first lesson is that intentions are pretty much everything.
When he initially tied the knot with his wife, he foolishly believed the love that they had for one another would conquer all.
He says begin your marriage with being sincere, and call out why exactly you’re willing to be committed to your significant other.
“…I realized that the foundation of a relationship isn’t just emotions; it’s intentions,” he said. “Having clear, shared intentions from the beginning what we both wanted from life, our values, our commitment to support each other would have helped us steer through the tougher times.”
Louis-Photo – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
His second lesson is to never underestimate the tiny acts of kindness your SO shows. As time wore on with his wife, they both seemingly forgot about this and put too much stock into everything that was not working for them instead of highlighting the little kind things they did for one another.
“It’s easy to assume that grand gestures will keep the spark alive, but I found that small, consistent acts of kindness build a stronger bond over time,” he added.
“A gentle word, a little patience, or even just a smile after a long day speaks volumes. The daily, quiet kindnesses we often overlook are the glue that holds everything together.”
Lesson three: Communicating is an uphill, hard battle, but it’s everything in a relationship. He knows that constantly communicating with your SO sounds simple, but it’s anything but.
He spent years grappling with how to express to his wife how he was feeling without getting upset or holding something back.
He and his wife had different ways of communicating with one another, and that made them feel like they lived on different planets.
“I learned that communication is a skill you work on continuously,” he said. “It means being honest, patient, and humble enough to listen without ego. If I had practiced this earlier, maybe we could’ve navigated conflicts better.”
His fourth lesson is to assign value to growth: both the growth that you show as well as the growth your SO shows.
He regrets not highlighting the growth that he and his wife experienced. He says being married is a journey, and you, of course, grow along the way.
The point is to try to better yourself and one another as well. He realizes that he discovered far too late that a stable marriage is developed by supporting your significant other and their growth instead of worrying it’s a threat to you.
“If you see your partner growing, encourage them. Celebrate their wins, and let them do the same for you,” he noted.
Lesson five is to quit being resentful, and if you’re feeling that way, say something ASAP. Unaddressed, the smallest things he felt upset about snowballed into full-blown resentment.
He allowed the little stuff to pile up, figuring everything would smooth over without effort, but that’s not reality.
“Now I know that when something bothers you, you need to bring it up respectfully and work through it together,” he admitted.
“An open heart, no matter how difficult the conversation, will save you so much pain down the line.”
Lesson six is that whining does nothing productive. He wishes that he put more emphasis on understanding his wife’s point of view instead of trying to always be right.
While arguing, he occasionally felt the desire to prove that he was correct, which made them feel more apart than together.
He implores you to never forget that you and your significant other are supposed to be on the exact same team.
“There’s no winning if it comes at the cost of peace in your relationship,” he sagely suggested.
Being able to show patience and forgiveness will help you more times than not: this is lesson seven.
He mentions that there are multiple times when you will need to exercise forgiveness and patience. He used to jump to bring to light mistakes or flaws, never considering his words and their impact.
“Learning to forgive genuinely—not holding grudges—is key to a peaceful relationship,” he said.
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring what hurt you; it means choosing to move forward without bitterness.”
His final lesson is that you should have faith that everything will work out. Don’t get dragged down thinking it won’t. Faith keeps you grounded.
Although his marriage is over, he has a lot of valuable lessons to take with him, and he hopes that showing you his lessons will improve your marriage.
Nobody is flawless, and everyone has highs and lows with their significant other.
“If there’s one thing I’d say to anyone getting married or working through marital challenges, it’s this: cherish and respect each other, forgive easily, and grow together,” he continued.
“Because even if things don’t work out in the end, at least you’ll know you did your best.”
What do you think about his lessons?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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