Teen Mom’s Catelynn And Tyler Open Up About How Adopting Their Daughter Carly Ended In Trauma For Them
MTV’s reality TV series, “16 and Pregnant,” aired on June 11, 2009, and ran until July 1, 2014, giving viewers a glimpse into the challenges of teenage pregnancy like never before.
However, Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra’s story was different from that of the rest of the young couples on the show.
They decided to put their oldest daughter, Carly, up for adoption 15 years ago, and the process being publicized was unheard of.
“No one ever really saw that happen before in real-time, and then we got chosen to be on ‘Teen Mom,’ and now, following the aftermath of an adoption, we never got to see that ever on [reality] TV or in real time either,” Tyler detailed.
What was once an “open adoption” has changed over the years, though, and Tyler and Catelynn have been vocal about their frustration.
Open adoption refers to when adoptive parents and birth parents remain in touch to share information about a child. Tyler and Catelynn used to have this arrangement with Carly’s adoptive parents, Brandon and Teresa.
The couple previously spent time with Carly during annual visits, something they looked forward to. That was until Carly’s adoptive parents decided to cut off communication.
Tyler and Catelynn have chosen to publicly express their feelings on the situation and the hardships of adoption on all involved parties. Back in September, Tyler claimed that he wanted Carly to know they “always tried” to maintain open communication with her and her adoptive parents.
“All we can do is really just share our story and continue to share the facts regarding adoption. At the end of the day, adoption equals trauma,” he said.
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“It’s trauma for the adoptee, it’s trauma for the adoptive parents, and it’s trauma for the birth parents.”
The couple’s experience has raised important questions about adoption as a whole. The industry’s common narrative focuses on adoptive parents as saviors and frames adoption as something that automatically provides a better life for a child. At the same time, it fails to acknowledge the negatives, like grief and feelings of abandonment or rejection, that adoptees may feel.
This can cause adoptee children to push down their emotions, often to protect their adoptive parents’ feelings. It may not be until much later that adoptees begin to process their own story and determine how they view adoption for themselves.
There’s also an antiquated idea that most adoptees are adopted by relatives or someone who’s acted as their foster parent for a long time.
Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, and the belief that adoptees usually have a special relationship or connection to their adoptive parents is a common misconception.
Then, when it comes to open adoptions, laws aren’t cut and dry. During “Teen Mom,” viewers got to watch as Catelynn and Tyler put together what appeared to be an ideal plan. They’d place Carly up for adoption, and they’d get to have annual visits.
Yet, as the couple became more famous and Carly grew older, the plan came undone. Catelynn and Tyler haven’t pursued any legal action, however, for two reasons.
“Not being able to be involved, it’s that power dynamic which is so hard, because we can say how we feel, and we can say our wishes and wants, and we can put ourselves in their shoes constantly, but at the end of the day, they hold on to all the control,” Catelynn explained.
She and Tyler also fear how a legal battle might affect Carly, and legislation varies depending on the state. About half of U.S. states have laws that would make enforcing a post-adoption contact agreement possible; meanwhile, others only have legislation that would make enforcement possible in certain situations.
In other words, birth parents are always able to fight for enforcement. It’s just tougher to achieve in some areas.
It’s also important to note how lucrative the adoption industry is. It generated $24.7 billion in revenue last year, and by 2028, that number is expected to climb to $26.2 billion.
The price of adopting a child in the U.S. can range from $20,000 to $45,000, and some adoptees think the sheer amount of money involved makes the industry unethical.
As for Tyler and Catelynn, they urge people to remain curious and seek out other people’s stories to challenge their own beliefs.
“No matter what, learning about adoptee trauma is what’s going to better inform birth parents on how to move forward, and what’s better going to inform adoptive parents,” he stated.
And while Catelynn made it clear that she doesn’t regret her decision to place Carly up for adoption, she wishes she was more educated on the process.
“I mean, let’s face it, we were children. But I do wish that I was more educated on it all because I probably would have made different decisions,” she said.
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