10 Phrases That Damage A Relationship
What You Do (And Don’t) Say In A Relationship Is Everything
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When it comes to nurturing a healthy relationship, communication is king.
What you do and don’t say dramatically impacts how you feel in a relationship. Clear and effective communication from both of you is needed for the relationship to be successful.
Have You Said Things To Your Partner And Wished You Hadn’t?
How often have you gotten into an argument with your partner and, in hindsight, wished you had done things differently?
Maybe you said something you didn’t mean at the moment. It happens – we are all human. What matters is we learn from our mistakes and do better the next time.
Here Are 10 Phrases That Damage A Relationship
Subtle changes in what you say to one another are game-changers for less fighting and faster conflict resolution.
So, to help you improve communication with your partner, here is a list of 10 things you should never say in a relationship, since words can be damaging.
1. “You should know how I feel.”
It does not matter how well you and your partner know each other; expecting them to read your mind is not ok.
If you need something, tell them. Failure to be direct with your needs and expectations brings many couples to therapy, seeking a therapist to play referee.
2. “Stop being so sensitive.”
This phrase is simply mean and invalidating. Humans have feelings – you should not be belittled for your feelings.
Should you make your partner feel bad for having feelings, they could end up shutting down with you instead of sharing.
3. “If you really love me, you would/would not___.”
This phrase is definitely on the toxic side, and there is no circumstance that it’s nice to use the relationship as a bargaining chip to get your way.
4. “Get over it.”
This phrase is dismissive and invalidating. Minimizing your partner’s feelings will only make things worse and make repairing the conflict harder.
5. “You always” or “You never.”
Anytime you talk in extremes, someone will get defensive to prove the statement wrong. It’s not fighting fair, so don’t go there.
6. “Do what you want…I don’t care.”
Not only is this phrase disdainful, but it’s also rarely true. In most cases, when someone says this, they still care; they are just tired.
So try to avoid saying things you don’t mean. That’s the whole point of us looking at these phrases!
7. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Ah, the classic fake apology. This phrase shifts any blame from one person to the other. It is a way to avoid personal responsibility while causing your partner to feel guilty for being hurt or offended in the first place.
If you are going to apologize, make it more genuine than this (or don’t bother apologizing until you truly mean it).
8. “You’re so ___.”
Insert your favorite rude name in the blank. Any name-calling is just setting your partner up for heartbreak.
Name-calling is a form of criticism and can be damaging beyond the moment in which you use it. So, avoid name-calling as much as you can, especially if you are in the middle of a conflict.
9. “I’m done” or “I want to break up.”
These words should never be uttered unless you absolutely mean them. This is the kind of thing you may not come back from.
10. *Silence.*
While it makes sense in some situations to not say anything, if that becomes a habit, you are telling your partner you don’t care enough to have an opinion.
Saying nothing is still saying a lot, and it can be deafening. Silence forces your partner to come to their own conclusions about what you are thinking. So, talk to them. Even if all you say is, “I’m feeling very reactive, so I need time and space so I don’t say something I will regret.”
Let’s Make Sure You Avoid Saying Something You’ll Regret Later
Make sure you remove these phrases from your relationships as soon as possible. Be mindful of how you approach talking with your partner. Be careful so you avoid saying something you’ll regret later.
Can you think of any other phrases that damage a relationship?
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