He Grew Up In Foster Care Yet He’s Secretive About His Past, So His Wife’s Family Is Upset That He Won’t Answer Their Questions
Back when this 28-year-old man was just five, he was placed in foster care. He stayed there until he aged out on his eighteenth birthday.
He keeps the fact that he grew up in foster care a secret, and it’s not something he likes to discuss, as it’s a source of deep-seated trauma for him.
He’s spent the last eight years of his life trying to overcome all of the pain he experienced in the system, and the only people who know his full story are his wife and his two best friends. Also, his therapist knows, but he told them for the sake of being able to work past his trauma.
His wife has a large family, and everyone is tight. His wife’s parents have spent four decades married to one another, and his wife has five siblings.
His wife’s family routinely has family gatherings, and he has come to know all of his wife’s relatives quite well.
“But I have never shared the truth with them,” he explained. “They’re curious and I’ve been asked questions about my past and I answer them with the public version as I call it.”
“That I went into the system at 5 and never had contact with my biological family again and that I feel like that’s for the best. There were also questions asked about finding them again and why don’t I reach out.”
“A part of why I never tell the full story is one of my more immediate relatives was a child themself when I was placed in the system. Or a younger teen if I’m being more specific and I know there will be questions about why I don’t try to get in touch with them.”
He’s concerned that if he tells his in-laws all of the details regarding his past, they will try to push him to get in contact with his biological relatives, which is not something he’s up for.
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His wife believes that he’s right – her family would completely want him to seek out his lost connections and wouldn’t be able to grasp why he’s not on board with that.
His wife is on his side and feels not sharing his story is what’s best here. However, some of her loved ones are not happy that he’s being so secretive.
“It’s come up a few times and my wife shuts it down and she tells them it’s not something they need to know,” he continued.
“But I know the conflict will increase over time because of this. And I feel bad about that. Especially when I get along well with everyone outside of this.”
He’s left wondering if he’s wrong to refrain from sharing everything with his in-laws.
What do you think?
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