He Feels Stuck In A Life He Doesn’t Want Now That His Wife Is Pregnant
Back in college, this 35-year-old man met his wife, who is the same age as him. He was instantly attracted to how stable, gorgeous, and intelligent his wife was.
They’ve been together for the last thirteen years, and from the beginning, they both knew that they were not interested in having kids.
“That wasn’t just a lifestyle preference for me—I’ve always deeply believed I didn’t want to be a father. I’ve dreamed of a quiet, child-free life,” he explained.
His wife had also revealed to him that she had some health issues that meant she would not be able to get pregnant.
She was sad about it, but then she grew to not want children, and this was a major reason why their relationship was so successful.
So imagine his surprise when they found out last week that his wife is miraculously pregnant. Even the doctor said the odds were “one-in-a-million.”
His wife is six weeks into carrying the baby, and he feels like his world has been turned upside down, and not in a good way.
His wife thinks this is some incredible twist of fate, and she’s elated to get to be a mom, but he doesn’t share the excitement.
“This isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t want this 10 years ago. I don’t want it now. I love her—truly—but I don’t want to be a father,” he added.
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“I don’t want to be responsible for a life I never asked for. And now I feel like I’m being forced into a role that will completely upend who I am and what I value.”
“Everyone around us—friends, family, even coworkers—are cheering. “What a blessing!” “You guys are going to be great parents!” “This is meant to be!” And no one—not one person—has asked me what I want. It’s like my feelings completely disappeared the second the word “miracle” was used.”
He’s attempted to tell his wife that he is drowning here. He’s admitted he’s uneasy and terrified. In response, she told him that he would change his mind and want to be a dad when the baby is here.
His wife went on to say that she would be crushed if he left her now and would most likely not follow through with the pregnancy, as she does not want to be a single mom.
She concluded by telling him that she will allow him to walk away if that’s really what he wants, but there will be severe emotional damage with that.
He’s left feeling unsure of what he should do, because if he leaves now, everyone will believe he’s a terrible human being.
“I worry it will emotionally destroy her, and she might terminate just from heartbreak—not from choice,” he continued.
“If I stay until the baby’s born and then leave, it will feel like a massive betrayal and false hope. If I stay and pretend to be okay with this, I’ll likely fall into resentment and misery—and that will destroy both of us long term.”
“I’m not a villain. I’m not cold. I’m not running from responsibility—I just never wanted this life. I feel like my choices have been taken away from me. And now I’m carrying the crushing guilt of possibly breaking the woman I love or sacrificing everything I ever wanted to try and make something work that goes against my core…How do you walk away from someone at their most vulnerable without destroying them? How do you stay without lying to yourself and to her?”
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