7 Signs Your Partner Is The Villain In Your Relationship
Being In A Relationship Means You’re On A Team
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. When two people decide to enter a relationship, they’re essentially signing up to join a team.
And as teammates, partners are supposed to work together to drive the relationship forward, not undermine the effort by competing with their significant others.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Is The Villain In Your Relationship
But unfortunately, that’s not always the way things work out. Back in high school, were you ever assigned to a group project with someone who made everything 10 times more frustrating by opposing each task? Or, maybe at work, you’ve been forced to collaborate with a colleague who only had their own interests in mind.
That’s what it can feel like dating a critical or self-centered person. They basically turn into the villain in your own story, making situations (and your overall relationship) more difficult to navigate together.
If you can relate, here are seven signs that your partner is actually the villain.
1. They Ignore Your Feelings
Nothing is worse than when your emotions are invalidated. Nonetheless, your partner may brush you off anytime you try to voice your feelings, say you’re overreacting, and refuse to just hear you out.
This can be for a couple of different reasons. They could struggle with vulnerability, and their avoidance tactics inadvertently cause you to feel dismissed or belittled. At the same time, your partner might view your feelings as a personal attack, especially if they’ve experienced past trauma, and they shut you down because they immediately go on the “defensive.”
Either way, when they jump to oppose your feelings instead of supporting you, they’re creating emotional isolation in your relationship that’ll just worsen over time.
2. Your Partner Values “Winning” Over Problem-Solving
On a similar note, couples who want to stay and grow together need to tackle all problems as a joint unit. Yet, when you and your partner face disagreements or get into fights, it probably feels more like a competition.
Rather than being able to take responsibility for mistakes or simply compromise on issues, your partner may try to play the blame game in order to “win.” And they continue keeping score, using your past “losses” as ammunition in future arguments.
Your relationship will go absolutely nowhere if you and your partner aren’t mutually focused on working as a team. They need to realize that “winning” isn’t the most important thing. In fact, you only come out on top as a couple when both people feel heard.
3. They’re Unreliable
One of the best parts of being in a relationship is knowing that you have someone to turn to and rely on in good times and bad. So, dating a person who’s unreliable can wreck the trust and security you feel.
Are you frequently anxious and on edge, wondering whether your partner will actually follow through on promises and show up for you when you need them? Likewise, do you find yourself walking on eggshells often, unsure of what mood they’ll be in and whether things will feel tense?
It takes consistency to evolve as a couple in terms of time, physical effort, and emotional energy invested. But with an inconsistent partner, your mental health and sense of safety in your own relationship are routinely impacted.
4. Your Partner Craves Control
In order for a team to operate efficiently, all parties have to be willing to share effort equally. Of course, some people might be better at certain things than others, but that’s why the balance in all relationships is slightly different.
When you’re with a villainous partner, though, they often try to take over and maintain control. And regardless of whether they believe they’re being “helpful” or not, it immediately takes away your autonomy and quiets your voice.
You deserve to play a role in all decision-making, and if they continually take your power of choice and input away, you’ll only grow resentful in the long run.
5. They Criticize Incessantly
Feedback can actually be really helpful for improving relationships when it’s constructive and delivered kindly. Incessant criticism, on the other hand, is an entirely different story.
Think about it: if you were coaching a team, would you just disparage your players all the time without ever sharing what they’re actually doing well? Probably not, because they’d only become discouraged and feel like they’re not good enough.
The best coaches, then, use a combination of positive and constructive feedback. They point out strengths while also suggesting ways to improve or better their game.
However, your partner may not operate that way. If they solely focus on pointing out your flaws and seemingly tear you down any chance you get, you will only end up insecure and hesitant to turn to them. And what kind of relationship is that?
6. Your Partner Disregards Your Boundaries
Mutual respect is paramount in relationships. Everybody also has their own limits. So why is it that your partner routinely disregards your boundaries?
It’s possible that they weren’t taught how to properly set and maintain boundaries during childhood. Or maybe they just don’t believe you’re entitled to privacy or autonomy.
No matter the reason, it’s impossible for two people to form a healthy, long-lasting relationship without that skill set and sense of respect. When your partner undercuts your needs, it threatens your individuality.
7. They Don’t Put Trust In You
Finally, it’s sadly extremely common for people to have trust issues due to old childhood wounds, past relationship betrayals, and other personal experiences. Even so, if you’ve never given your partner a reason to distrust you in the first place, then their doubts can quickly suffocate your relationship.
To use the team analogy one last time: what happens when players on the basketball court or soccer field don’t trust each other? Nothing gets done. One person might hog the ball, afraid to pass it to a teammate, and their refusal to put faith in someone else winds up costing them scoring opportunities and causing the whole team to lose the game.
This is similar to what happens with a distrustful partner. They basically remove you from your own relationship, replacing faith with frequent accusations and doubts. And in the end, you’ll wind up feeling attacked, misunderstood, and alone.
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