She’s Teaching You How To Defend Yourself From Being Shamed
Shame often has a sneaky way of showing up uninvited, but you don’t have to just sit there and take it. Britnei Nicole (@iamprettybrilliant) is a neurolinguistics expert who studies the relationship between language, behavior, and the nervous system.
Now, she’s on TikTok teaching you how to defend yourself when someone tries to project shame onto you.
“If somebody is trying to make you feel ashamed, they’re trying to make you feel like what you’re doing, saying, wearing, thinking, and being is bad,” Britnei said.
Their attempts at shaming you are simply just a projection of their own mindset and mental health. For example, Britnei has a more flamboyant style, and one day, she was having a conversation with someone who she thought was complimenting her fashion choices.
But at the end of the conversation, it became apparent that the other person was actually trying to shame her because she emphasized that she would never wear the outfits that Britnei liked to wear. This demonstrated her limitations on how she expresses herself.
To defend yourself against somebody else’s projection of shame, all you need to do is ask them a simple question.
Britnei could’ve responded with “Why not?” when the other person told her that she would never wear those types of outfits.
In this situation, Britnei would not really be looking for an answer to the question. Instead, it presents the other person with an opportunity to confront their own shame.
Do not engage with people projecting their shame onto you; you can just let them argue with themselves.
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Many TikTok users flocked to the comments section to describe examples of times when people have tried to shame them for no good reason other than to express their own negative feelings about themselves.
“I gained about 50 pounds, and my mom is 100% fatphobic. She’s always trying me. Once, she said, ‘You must like being fat,’ and I replied, ‘Well, mostly I just don’t hate my body,’ and she unraveled,” commented one user.
“I realized when my mother said, ‘I thought it was so funny you never cared that you disappointed me,’ and my response was, ‘What a weird thought. To want your child to be thinking about YOU, not just be a child,” shared another.
“I notified my manager I was moving from full-time to PRN to pursue my education, and she outright told me she was jealous. I responded with, ‘I’m happy you could acknowledge that,'” added someone else.
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