Her Boyfriend Spends All His Money On Sailing, And It Bothers Her That He Has Nothing Left Over To Invest In Their Life
Being with someone who’s kind, reliable, and financially responsible should feel like a win. But what happens when their version of responsible means living like a minimalist to support a lifestyle you’re not part of?
Around a year ago, this 39-year-old woman started dating her 41-year-old boyfriend. While her boyfriend is kind and attentive, he spends all of his money on his pricey hobby and has to live super frugally in order to make it work.
Between financing his boat (which was something he bought before she met him), maintenance costs, marina fees, fuel costs, and insurance, her boyfriend spends $3,000 or more every month on sailing.
“This comes out of his disposable income, so he’s not asking me to pay for any of it, but it’s not an interest I share (I don’t particularly like being on boats). I think sailing really gives him a lot of peace and a sense of pride,” she explained.
“We mostly split expenses, and I don’t live a particularly expensive lifestyle; I don’t have a huge desire to visit fancy restaurants and am happy taking a weekend road trip instead of some big international trip, and so for a while it didn’t bother me that he spends so much on his hobby.”
Her boyfriend does save a huge chunk of his income, which she supports, but it’s upsetting to her that his expensive hobby, paired with the fact that he has to live a stripped-down life to afford it, is impacting her life.
For instance, she wishes they could live together, but they can’t, since her boyfriend has to live so frugally. He lives in a small condo and does not own a car (but she does).
If she and her boyfriend would like to figure out a way to live under one roof, that would entail her living in a smaller apartment that she likes, since the city they live in is so expensive.
Another option would be to move to a new area, allowing them to save more money, or her boyfriend would have to agree to save less from his paychecks to allocate to living expenses.
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“If it were up to me, we’d spend more on activities, splurge from time to time, and get a decent-sized apartment, etc.,” she added.
Her boyfriend doesn’t like spending money on what she wants or desires, with the exception being special events like her birthday.
While they do go out on dates, they’re affordable, as her boyfriend picks events for them that are local or free to save money.
It’s not that she dislikes the activities they participate in; it’s just that she wishes they could do other things (that, you know, cost money).
She ends up going with her friends for a spa day, to the theater, or to an expensive concert, as her boyfriend cares more about saving money.
“He’s someone who is willing to compromise on things, but I don’t even know what to ask him for? Sell his boat? He had it before we met. Stop saving? That sounds like I’m asking him to be irresponsible,” she continued.
“I could offer to pay for more stuff, but I think that would create a very bad relationship imbalance, especially when he makes more than I do. Honestly, I’m not sure what to do? I feel like a jerk asking him to give up his hobby, or like I was being immature, telling him not to worry so much about saving money. Dump him?”
“He’s honestly a great guy. At the same time, it seems silly that our lives are so limited when both of us have [an] okay income. I’m not sure what to do here. Or maybe I should just be happy he’s a good guy.”
Now she’s left wondering if she’s selfish for wanting more, or simply facing the reality that love sometimes clashes with lifestyle.
What advice do you have for her?
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