His Girlfriend Asked Him To Pay Her Back $10 For Bubble Tea, So He’s Rethinking Their Relationship
While it can be chivalrous for men to pay for first dates and other excursions early on, how long should the habit last before relationship expenses are more evenly divided?
That’s the question this 28-year-old man has recently begun asking himself. He and his girlfriend, who’s 24, have been dating for four years now.
But despite their “serious” relationship status and plans to tie the knot one day, he’s footed the bill for practically everything ever since they got together.
From dates and trips to gifts and food, he’s routinely covered the tab. He even went so far as to say that 99% of their purchases were paid for by him, and for a while, he was okay with that.
After all, they were both students when they first started dating, and he had an engineering gig lined up for when he finished.
On top of that, he was working as a teaching assistant (TA) on the side, so he had more money than his girlfriend, who was supposedly “broke” at the time.”
“She never really offered to split or pay, and I never asked her to. I was working full-time and doing well financially, so I didn’t mind,” he said.
More recently, though, he became so mentally burnt out that he was forced to quit his job and take a break. Meanwhile, his girlfriend is still working full-time and doing fine in terms of her finances.
Yet, after they went out the other day, and he wasn’t able to pay for his girlfriend’s drink, she had a bizarre reaction. And it has caused him to question whether their relationship is genuine or just transactional.
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It all began when his girlfriend wanted to get a bubble tea, and he happened to forget his wallet. Moreover, his phone had died, so he wasn’t able to pay that way, either.
That’s why he asked his girlfriend to purchase the beverage, which was about $10, and she did. Then, he dropped her off at her apartment as usual.
The following morning, though, his girlfriend proceeded to reach out and “remind” him to send her the money for the bubble tea. He’d honestly forgotten about the whole situation and forwarded her the funds immediately.
“But it left a weird feeling. I’ve spent thousands on her over the years, never asked for a dime back, and now that I’m out of a job and she’s doing well, she couldn’t let a $10 bubble tea slide?” he asked.
According to him, he tried broaching the topic of shared financial contributions in the past, but his girlfriend usually shut him down by making remarks like, “You’re the man, you should take care of me,” and “We can’t have two women in the relationship.”
Due to that, he really tried to be “the man” and take care of everything. He planned to marry his girlfriend, too, and in the future, he didn’t want her to worry about money or other struggles when they eventually had kids.
In hindsight, however, he realizes that perhaps he made a mistake. He didn’t notice how one-sided their relationship had become until the latest bubble tea incident, and now, he thinks the $10 is the least of their problems.
“It’s not about the money. It’s about what it says,” he reasoned.
“I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if it’s a red flag. I’ve always treated the relationship as a partnership, and this just felt… transactional.”
The whole situation pushed him to wonder whether he’s just being overly sensitive, or if his girlfriend’s expectations (and lack of joint effort) could be a deal-breaker.
Would you ever request reimbursement from your partner for something you bought for yourself? Should couples split expenses, especially after being together for so long? What advice would you give him?
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