He Refused To Date The Girl He Was Sleeping With Because She Hooks Up With Lots Of Guys And He Doesn’t Want A Girlfriend With A Bad Reputation
Casual hookups don’t always stay casual; at least not for both people. What starts out as something that’s no-strings-attached can shift when one person decides they want more.
That’s exactly what happened here: one guy was fine with keeping things at a distance, but now that the girl he hooked up with wants a real relationship, he’s realizing his views on her reputation don’t line up with how she sees herself.
At the beginning of the year, this 21-year-old guy casually began hooking up with a girl a year younger than him.
Nothing about their connection was serious, and they hardly spoke to one another, aside from late-night steamy texts and hanging out at various parties.
A couple of months ago, they drifted apart, and so, he quit hooking up with her. Lately, this girl has been reaching out to him, and she’s clearly interested in making a relationship work.
“She actually asked me if I’d want to take her out for real and ‘see where things go.’ She’s known for being with a lot of guys,” he explained.
“Like, not just a rumor everyone knows. I know it’s her life and her choice, and to be honest, I don’t care, and I don’t want to seriously date someone with that kind of reputation.”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship where people are whispering about how many dudes my girlfriend’s been with, or having friends make jokes behind my back.”
He informed this girl that he had no interest in officially dating her, which really made her angry. She accused him of being hypocritical, as he had slept with her a number of times.
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He clarified that casual hookups and being girlfriend material and not the same thing to him; they’re starkly different.
She said he was trying to shame her for her body count, before throwing it in his face that he used her. He has since told his friends about how that conversation went, and his friends feel that he toyed with her emotions and totally manipulated her since they slept together a few times.
“I was always clear it wasn’t serious. I never called her my girlfriend, never talked about being exclusive, and we haven’t even hooked up in months,” he continued.
“I just don’t want a relationship with someone who has that kind of past, but now I’m getting heat for it.”
Here’s the thing: nobody’s wrong for knowing what they want in a relationship, but it gets murky when your standards only matter after you’ve already benefitted from ignoring them.
I think that if he was comfortable hooking up with her, then turning around and calling her not girlfriend material because of that same behavior feels like a double standard.
Wanting something casual is one thing, but hiding behind reputation as the reason to say no doesn’t exactly hold up.
Do you think he’s wrong for not wanting to date a girl with a bad reputation, even though he happily hooked up with her?
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