Her Husband Asked For A Separation So He Can Care For His Ex-Wife, Who Has Cancer
Marriage is supposed to mean partnership through the hard seasons, but what happens when the weight of someone else’s pain pulls your partner away from you?
That’s the impossible place one woman finds herself in. Her husband’s ex-wife is facing cancer for the second time, and while she understands his instinct to support her, it’s left her wondering if her own marriage has quietly slipped away in the process.
For a bit more than two years now, this 38-year-old woman has been married to her 44-year-old husband. Now, her husband was married once before her to a 43-year-old woman, Lexi.
Her husband and Lexi started dating back in their 20s, and they spent close to ten years together (seven of those years they were married).
“During their time together, Lexi was diagnosed with cancer. He supported her throughout the entire journey until she eventually recovered,” she explained.
“Not long after her recovery, she expressed a desire to explore life independently, which ultimately led to their divorce.”
“Several months ago, Lexi reached out to him. The three of us had dinner together, and I found her to be warm, kind, and easy to talk to. Shortly after that evening, she asked to speak with him privately.”
Well, Lexi told her husband that her cancer came back, and it looked much more grim the second time around. Lexi didn’t feel up to dealing with the grueling treatment all alone.
After that chat was over, her husband told her the truth about what Lexi said to him in confidence. She was supportive when her husband expressed wanting to support Lexi through her battle with cancer.
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She said she was happy to help, too, but Lexi kindly told her that she felt uneasy being around her in such an exposed state, since they didn’t know one another.
She was respectful of Lexi’s wishes and took a back seat while her husband stepped up to help his ex-wife.
But then, her husband became extremely wrapped up in Lexi’s emotions and care. She did her best to remain calm.
She knew they had a history, but as time went on, she grew worried. She could tell something was off in her own marriage.
“His presence in our shared life began to fade, and I could feel the distance growing. Two weeks ago, he sat down with me to have an open conversation,” she continued.
“He assured me that nothing romantic or inappropriate had happened between them, but he also admitted that the level of support Lexi needed was not something he could provide while also being a husband to someone else.”
“He said he believed we should separate, at least for now, and that he would understand if I chose to move forward with a divorce.”
Not long after that, her husband left like he said he would, and ever since, they have hardly spoken to one another.
She’s feeling conflicted about what her next move should be. A piece of her thinks a divorce is the best answer so she can move on, but she’s also curious if she should wait around to watch how everything plays out.
I think that there’s compassion, and then there’s self-sacrifice to the point where you’re erased from your own life.
Her husband’s choice to step out of the marriage for someone else, even under heartbreaking circumstances, is still a choice. If she wants to protect her future, a divorce may be the only way to reclaim her peace and dignity.
What advice do you have for her?
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