He Snapped At His Dad For Being Too Poor To Afford The Couch His Mom Wanted
When a parent distances themselves because of who you are, it changes the dynamic in ways that go far beyond emotions: it shifts the trust, the respect, and the sense of partnership in the relationship.
For him, that break happened after he came out, when his dad decided he didn’t want him managing his finances anymore.
Watching his dad ignore sound advice, take on a risky mortgage, and then struggle with the fallout has been frustrating enough. But when his mom wanted something deemed an impossible luxury, he stepped in; not just because he could afford it, but because he wanted to give her what his dad wouldn’t.
To his dad, it was undermining. To him, it was a moment of loyalty toward the parent who’s still in his corner. And in that heated second, the line between a gift and a statement blurred, his words cutting at the sore spot of his dad’s pride and their fractured history.
Now he’s left wondering: was he wrong for calling it like he saw it, or was it just the truth his dad didn’t want to hear?
This 30-year-old man is gay, and he only came out of the closet to his family last year. After that, his dad stopped wanting to be in his life. They do stay in touch, but it’s not the same. His dad is cold and distant.
Now, he has a job in corporate finance, and he makes excellent money. In contrast, his dad has a job in IT, and he’s terrible with his money.
Before he came out to his family, he managed his dad’s retirement accounts and finances, since he’s talented with that.
“After coming out, my dad told me he didn’t want me managing his accounts anymore, so I backed off. He made some bad investments and lost some money (not a huge amount of his portfolio, but significant),” he explained.
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“Earlier this year, he decided that he would buy a house that’s 9x his yearly salary on a mortgage. And after purchasing it, his plan was to sell the current house. I told him that I think it’s a bad idea. This was all back in March.”
“Fast forward to now. My parents bought the house with a 7% interest rate. And sold their old house for $75K under the asking price because they only got 1 offer and became desperate. I told my dad that I’d be happy to help in any way, but he never took me up on it.”
Due to how well he managed his dad’s finances in the past, he and his mom are not destitute and are able to make ends meet.
Still, his dad has become super stressed about cash, and he isn’t making any changes to the house beyond the bare necessities.
So, no remodeling or styling or purchasing decorations or any of that. His mom fell in love with a $5,000 couch that she spent quite a long time eyeballing, but his dad shut her down.
His mom was heartbroken about not being allowed to have the couch, so he bought it for her as a gift, got a U-Haul, and dropped it off at their new house.
“My dad got super pissed and said that I was undermining him. I’ll admit that I was super pissed at him about a lot of things in that moment and, without thinking, I just said ‘Well if you can’t afford something she wants, then I’ll step in to make her happy,'” he continued.
He’s left wondering if he was wrong to snap at his dad for being too poor to afford to buy his mom the couch of her dreams.
What do you think?
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