He Wants To Divorce His Wife Since She Never Told Him She Can’t Get Pregnant
Honesty about life goals, especially around kids, is one of the most important foundations a marriage can have. Without it, love alone isn’t enough to hold things together.
That’s the painful reality one man is facing after learning his wife secretly had her tubes tied years before they met, despite knowing he dreamed of becoming a father.
Now he’s questioning whether their marriage can survive a betrayal this deep, or if the lie has already broken something that can’t be repaired.
For the last five years, this 32-year-old man has been with his wife, who is a year younger than he is. Back when they first began dating, they decided to take it slow, but he felt it was important to have serious discussions about the future to make sure that he and his wife were ultimately compatible.
They chatted about kids, and they both said they wanted to have them. Two years ago, they got married, and last year, they finally started to try for a baby.
After six months of trying with no success, he grew worried and told his wife he wanted them both to go to the doctor to see what was wrong.
Initially, his wife was opposed to it, which resulted in quite a number of fights between them. But his wife came around and said she would see a doctor, but only if they could go in separately.
“I thought it was odd, but I didn’t really mind it that much, as I assumed she just needed privacy and was nervous,” he explained.
“A month later, she ‘got’ her results and told me she was infertile in a very matter-of-fact way. I was heartbroken for her and instantly started offering ideas for backup plans and trying my best to comfort her. She took all my sympathy and acted pretty down for a week.”
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“After a while, I spoke to one of my friends from back when I was in college who’s also infertile, and I asked her how I could best handle the situation, and when she described how she found out, how the doctors told her and everything, it was vastly different to how my wife discovered it.”
He grew suspicious of his wife and felt like perhaps she knew something that he didn’t. His wife’s ex-boyfriend attempted to reach out to him when he started dating his wife, but he blocked the guy after his wife asked him to.
Realizing he still had that guy’s information, he contacted him and asked if they could meet up in real life. He knows that was wrong, but he didn’t see what else he could do.
His wife’s ex mentioned to him that his wife got her tubes tied when she was 25, which led to their breakup, since this man wanted to be a dad.
When this guy had tried to talk to him at the start of the relationship with his wife, he was trying to warn him about how his wife had been super devious about getting her tubes tied and didn’t even tell her ex about it.
“I was in shock after hearing this and instantly went home and confronted her. She told me how she never wanted kids before she met me, and she was afraid I’d leave her if I knew she had gotten her tubes tied,” he added.
“In the heat of the argument, I told her I wasn’t sure I was willing to continue our marriage and I needed time to think.”
He then went to stay with his parents, where he has been ever since. His wife’s family tried to get him to forgive his wife by saying things like it’s not fair for him to leave her when the going gets tough, or attempting to guilt-trip him by insisting he never loved his wife if he’s willing to walk away over her inability to have kids.
He’s asked his own loved ones for advice, and his mom and dad want him to follow his heart and do what he thinks is the best thing.
While he loves his wife, he can’t get past the fact that she lied to him about having kids, so he’s leaning towards divorcing her.
I think that marriage can bounce back from a lot of struggles, but it rarely survives deception about such a major topic. Wanting children isn’t a minor preference; it’s a core value, and she knew that when she chose to hide the truth.
Love can’t erase a lie that rewrote the future he thought he was building, and if he can’t move past that betrayal, walking away may be the only way forward.
What do you think he should do?
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