When a parent has failed you in the past, it can be nearly impossible to summon the sense of duty they expect later on, especially when that “duty” is really about cleaning up the consequences of their own life choices.
This situation isn’t about a teen refusing to help with groceries; it’s about years of neglect, forced visitation, and a relationship that exists only because a judge ordered it.
Now, with his mom struggling to feed the four kids she chose to have with her current husband, she’s appealing to his sense of family. The problem is, she’s never made him feel like family in the first place.
A decade ago, this 17-year-old guy’s mom lost custody of him. His parents were divorced by then, and his mom really wasn’t doing a good job of showing up as a parent.
She would forget to pick him up from school or not help him with his homework. Then she met her current husband, who has a criminal record.
Following the wedding, his mom tried to prevent his dad from having any custody of him. The police had to get involved, but they didn’t really do much except make reports when his mom would refuse to give him to his dad.
In the end, a judge ruled that he should stay with his dad. Two years later, his mom was granted visitation, but after she tried to force him to go home with her, that was stopped.
Eighteen months ago, his mom was once again given visitation, and he’s required to go to her house overnight one day a month.
He told the judge he didn’t want to be with his mom, but the judge didn’t listen and also required that he and his mom attend therapy together (which has since ended, and has done nothing for their relationship).
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As soon as he gets closer to his birthday, his plan is to stop going to his mom’s house for good, since it will be impossible for her to get him to go to court before he turns 19 and is no longer considered a child, and that will put a stop to her having visitation.
But anyway, his mom and her husband have four kids under the age of 10, and they are struggling to feed them all.
His mom and her husband do receive food once per week from a local charity, and they occasionally can get things from various food banks.
“Mom knows I have a part-time job and that I live good at Dad’s house, and she asked me to help them with food,” he explained.
“She said I could buy stuff or share what I get at Dad’s or whatever, but they struggle and we’re a family. I told her we’re not, and they’re not my problem. She told me that their kids aren’t getting as much as they should, and they take all the help they can get. She told me they’re my siblings, whether I know them or not, and why don’t I help them at least?”
“I asked her why I would help any of them when I want nothing to do with them. I said she should have been a better mom if she wanted me to care. And married a better guy if she wanted me to [care] about him.”
He has since returned to his dad’s house, but his mom has been texting him to reconsider. He knows his mom’s new kids aren’t to blame here, but he doesn’t consider them his siblings, nor does he love them, so he doesn’t want to help.
Also, he would not be in his mom’s life if she hadn’t received visitation, so that makes him even less willing to help her out in her time of need.
Do you think he’s wrong for not wanting to help his mom feed her kids?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
