His Wife Has Been Sending Steamy Texts And Videos To Her Ex For Years, And He Thinks He Might Have To Divorce Her Over This
Infidelity doesn’t always come wrapped in hotel receipts and with lipstick on shirt collars; sometimes, it’s hidden behind a lock screen and a string of deleted messages.
This man thought he was building a stable life with his wife, but now, all of it feels like it’s sitting on shaky ground after what he discovered on her phone.
After finding inappropriate messages between his wife and her ex, spanning half a decade, he’s left with more questions than answers.
She says it was only online and that it didn’t mean anything. But how do you believe that when she won’t even show you the whole truth?
When the betrayal is digital, the damage is still real. He’s wondering what’s worse: the affair itself or the constant deception that came with it.
This 40-year-old man and his 41-year-old wife have three children together, who are eight, six, and four. Not that long ago, he stumbled upon a gut-wrenching screenshot on his wife’s phone that she had obviously forgotten to get rid of.
He saw some steamy texts and videos that his wife sent to her ex, and her ex sent a bunch of them back to her.
He went straight to his wife with the evidence, and she confessed to spending the last five years sending inappropriate messages to her ex.
So, this all started prior to their youngest child even being born!
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“Now she’s walking it back. She says it was only virtual. Only him. I don’t believe either claim. She won’t show me the messages,” he explained.
“Won’t let me see the real extent of it. I don’t know if this was daily, weekly, or what. All I have is one screenshot and a bunch of half-truths.”
“I work. I come home. I don’t have many friends to talk to about this. The kids are young. The mortgage is real. Everything I built feels like it’s sitting on sand now.”
For the last several days, he’s been trying to organize his thoughts, but he’s not thinking clearly. When he sees his wife, all he can think about are those videos she sent to her ex.
Whenever his wife speaks to their children, it’s on his mind what else she has lied to his face about. If his wife pops out to head to the store, he doubts that’s really where she’s going.
He’s concerned that perhaps he’s being too dramatic, since his wife promises nothing happened with her ex in real life; it was all virtual.
“We still have a life together. Maybe this is something we work through. But then I think – five years of lying. Five years of deleting messages,” he continued.
“Five years of looking me in the eye after. And now she won’t even show me what I’m supposed to forgive. I don’t know if I should leave.”
“I don’t know if I should stay and try. I don’t know what’s best for the kids. I don’t know if I’m making too much of this or not enough.”
What advice do you have for him, and do you think this is grounds for a divorce?
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