There’s no doubt that taking in someone else’s kids is a noble act. But does this good deed turn sour when adoptive parents keep welcoming more children into their home, even though they aren’t actually able to provide?
That’s how this 17-year-old man feels about his own parents, who’ve chosen to take in numerous kids over the years, despite their tendency to lose jobs frequently. So, now that his parents want him to start pitching in to help support his “siblings,” he’s refusing to pick up the slack.
For some background, he’s the only biological child of his parents, and even when he was the sole kid in their house, they never had much. According to him, part of the problem was his parents’ lack of work ethic.
They tend to call out of work multiple times each month, leading them to get fired often. Once, he and his parents even got evicted and wound up homeless because they failed to pay the rent.
“My mom’s family enables them. My dad’s parents live in another state and are no contact with my parents,” he explained.
“But we talk, and they send me money every month to help me get by. This is relevant later.”
Anyway, by the time he was 10 years old, his parents decided to take in their first group of kids. This included two biological cousins, who were his maternal aunt’s children, as well as his aunt’s boyfriend’s two children.
Initially, the arrangement was supposed to be short-term, and there was never a social worker involved. Instead, they went through private lawyers, and his maternal grandparents paid the legal fees. Yet, seven years later, all four kids are still living in his house.
Then, after he turned 12 years old, even more young ones were added to the mix. That’s because his dad agreed to care for a friend’s two children.
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“Again, it was done privately, and they didn’t have a social worker involved. It was just a lawyer, and my parents sold stuff to pay for those legal fees because we didn’t have the money,” he recalled.
Their home only had three bedrooms, too, so with six extra kids living there, space was limited. Eventually, his paternal grandparents even wanted him to start living with them, but his parents wouldn’t let that happen and claimed he needed to be left where he was, with his “family.”
At the time, his grandparents considered fighting for custody of him, yet their lawyers believed winning was a long shot. So, left with few other options, they just started sending him money in secret each month.
He was 14 years old when his parents took in their final child. And it got so hard to keep track that he wasn’t even sure who that kid was related to, and he gave up trying to figure it out.
This left him with seven “siblings,” and finances were extremely tight. It turns out that his parents didn’t receive any child support for the kids. And when it came to their own jobs, their positions were treated like “optional chores.”
In fact, after his dad got fired about four months ago, it took him until last week to find a new gig.
Thankfully, his paternal grandparents have continued sending him cash each month to cover school necessities and other things to help him “stay sane.” With the money, he’s able to afford lunch at school or buy a hot dinner out instead of just eating sandwiches every single day.
He also works part-time and has been trying to save some of his own earnings, as well as the funds from his grandparents. However, a couple of months ago, his parents overheard a conversation between him and his grandfather and finally found out about the money he was receiving. And now, they’re acting entitled to the cash.
Ever since that day, his parents have kept asking him to “help provide” for the rest of the children. They argue that they’d love for everyone to be more secure and even claimed his “siblings” would appreciate getting some new items of their own.
He, on the other hand, has been outraged by their requests and told his parents to leave him alone. Moreover, he said they needed to provide for the children they took in by themselves because it was their decision, not his responsibility.
“My parents acted surprised that I would feel that way. They said they thought I loved my ‘siblings.’ I wanted to ask if they were insane, but I figured they’d think I was the insane one,” he revealed.
Regardless, his parents keep attempting to guilt-trip him by pointing out how the rest of the children are “innocent.” And honestly, he realizes they are, which is why he does feel a little bad.
At the end of the day, though, he truly believes the kids should be with guardians who can actually afford them.
“But there’s nothing I can do about it. CPS was called when [some of the kids and I] showed up to school looking rough and like we didn’t eat enough, and my parents lied about the kids being there all the time, and I wasn’t believed when I told the truth,” he vented.
So, as of now, he’s not sure how else to help the situation. All he knows is that he doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of supporting all the children his parents took in, and he’s been left wondering if that’s so crazy or not.
Do you agree that providing is his parents’ job, not his? Should he speak to someone else, like a counselor at school, about what’s going on at home? What other advice would you give him?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
