Someone can be out of your life for years, and yet the shadow of who they were still can tug at a part of you. She’s finally happy and living a life that would’ve been impossible with her ex…and there’s a very human itch to let him see exactly what she became without him.
This 38-year-old woman will be getting married in a few short months, and this is not her first time being engaged. She was proposed to once before and spent seven years with her 42-year-old ex-fiancé.
It was pretty toxic, their time together. Her ex-fiancé loved gaslighting her, and it got so bad that she wondered if she was insane.
Her ex-fiancé’s sister and mom always said she had to stop outearning him, so it would allow him to be a man. But the problem was that her ex-fiancé lied to his family about his income.
That was not the only lie this man told, as he would lie to her about pretty much anything under the sun. She thinks it came from wanting to control everything, since he lacked responsibility with his own life and money.
Her ex-fiancé’s mom thought he could do no wrong, and she was left dealing with everything in secret.
“I was constantly told how to dress, how to talk, and how to act. He wanted me to lose weight, and when I did (and suddenly started getting attention), he told me I was ‘going overboard,'” she explained.
“I’m a writer and magazine editor; language is literally my strong suit, and yet I found myself dumbing down my vocabulary just to have a peaceful conversation.”
“I couldn’t tease him or crack a harmless joke because he took everything super seriously, but he could say the meanest things and then hide behind, ‘It was just a joke. Lighten up.’ And God forbid I corrected his pronunciation! That would have been considered a personal attack. And yet, whenever it suited him, he expected me to help him with writing and copy.”
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Her ex-fiancé caused her to doubt herself, and her self-esteem took a huge hit. For an entire year, he hardly called her, but wanted her to hang out with his family.
She ultimately decided to end her engagement, and his response was to tell her that she would never find a man better than him and that she would come crawling back to him eventually.
So, here she is, five years later, about to get married to a new man. She’s so happy, and she loves her new guy.
“But I never got the satisfaction of rubbing my happiness in my ex’s face. My father thinks I should let it go and just enjoy this new chapter, and for the most part, I agree,” she continued.
“But there’s still this tiny, stubborn, human part of me that wants to send him a wedding invite, purely so he knows I didn’t crawl back. I want him to know that I thrived and rebuilt myself without him.”
“I know he won’t come. His pride won’t let him. Besides, it’s a beach destination wedding, and I don’t know if his ‘mommy’ will let him (Yes, he used to lie to her if we ever had to go away together). But I can’t deny that I have this itch to rub my happiness in his face, especially since he’s still single and will probably never find anyone willing to deal with his controlling mother.”
She’s left wondering if she would be a jerk for sending her ex-fiancé an invite to her wedding.
I think this is ridiculous, and I’m worried that if she sends her ex-fiancé an invite, her current fiancé will be wondering if she still has feelings for this guy.
She needs to clearly work on herself, and I’m curious why she is even letting her ex-fiancé still be someone she thinks about this much?
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
