Many of us like to say that honesty is the best policy, but real life has a way of complicating that idea. Sometimes you tell the truth because you think it will help someone, or protect them, or give them context they deserve, and instead it blows up in your face.
That’s what happened to her after she thought being upfront about her ex-husband’s past would spare his new girlfriend from walking in blind. But now she’s the one being iced out for saying something she genuinely believed was the right thing to share.
This 30-year-old woman is divorced from her 35-year-old ex-husband, and recently, she got to meet his new, 24-year-old girlfriend.
She wanted to be introduced to this woman before allowing her to meet her 7-year-old child. She actually had a pleasant conversation with this woman, but as their chat came to a close, she questioned her about whether or not she was aware of the facts leading up to the death of her marriage.
“…I asked if she knew why he and I split up (I caught him having an affair while I was pregnant, and he chose the other woman, moving across country. He has since left her, moved closer, and is now with someone new),” she explained.
“I went into meeting her trying to think of how I would feel in her shoes. This is something I would want to know if I am getting serious with someone and want to have kids with them.”
“She said yes, and that was the end of the topic. Months later, she said it was inappropriate for me to even bring it up as their relationship is different from how mine was with him (which obviously I would hope it is, and he doesn’t treat her the way he treated me), and I was trying to put a wedge between them.”
She was not trying to be vindictive or petty at all when she disclosed that information to her ex-husband’s new girlfriend. In fact, she just wanted to make sure she knew the truth and had her eyes wide open going into that relationship.
She genuinely was trying to look out for her, and she wanted to ensure she had all of the details she needed so she would feel comfortable becoming a step-parent to her child.
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The problem is that her dose of honesty completely and utterly backfired on her. Now, her ex-husband’s new girlfriend ignores her existence at events they attend and treats her like a ghost.
Her child has since picked up on the awkwardness, and she’s left wondering if she was wrong to tell this woman the truth.
Her honesty came from a good place, but once you share the truth, you can’t control how someone else receives it, especially when emotions and loyalties are involved.
She wasn’t wrong for thinking her ex-husband’s new girlfriend deserved context, and for providing transparency around someone who’ll be around her child.
But now that it’s clear her ex-husband’s new girlfriend didn’t want that honesty, the best thing she can do is step back and let their relationship play out on its own.
I was her ex-husband’s new girlfriend’s age a decade ago, and I don’t think I would have been mature or wise enough at that age to soak in the ugly truth about my partner.
Hopefully, her ex-husband’s new girlfriend will grow up and see that she was only trying to help, not hurt her, but I bet knowing the truth has brought up some fears or insecurities in her.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
