Navigating the dating world is challenging enough without being trans and wondering at what point to disclose that. Do you think that someone should indicate on their dating profile if they are trans, or is that better left for an in-person conversation?
This man isn’t the most seasoned dater, so he’s currently questioning how to deal with his latest conundrum. He recently matched with a girl on a dating app and has spent the last four days chatting with her.
Everything has been going well, and he asked her out on a date. But upon further examination of her social media profiles, he came across a post where she very clearly indicated that she’s trans and was born a man.
Now, this was not something this girl put in her dating profile or previously mentioned to him. There were also no subtle hints like a trans flag on her profile, so he’s left feeling blindsided.
“I had been hoping this might turn into something romantic, but I’m personally not attracted to trans women. We have a date planned for the day after tomorrow, and I don’t want to lead her on or waste her time if that’s what it is,” he explained.
“At the same time, I don’t want to be disrespectful or hurtful cause technically I didn’t find this out through her.”
As he said, he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad about herself; it’s just that she no longer fits what he’s interested in, and he doesn’t think this is something he can navigate or try out.
He’s growing anxious about how to cancel the date without lying about his reason. He would hate to let this girl believe he’s being judgmental or critical, and that’s his hang-up at the moment.
“How can I approach this and politely let her know I’m not interested? Go on the date or confront her before it?” he wondered.
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I understand why trans women are hesitant to be open and upfront about, well, being trans, since they do face a lot of discrimination and violence.
However, I think she’s endangering herself further by not telling men about that before meeting them in real life.
I do believe that it would hurt this girl more to go on a date with her and then let her down. It’s kinder for him to cancel the date, and he can be nice about it.
I would say to her that he thinks she seems lovely, but they’re simply not compatible. He can also add in there that he wishes her the best of luck in her dating life.
I don’t necessarily think he has to talk about the post he discovered on social media, because I’m sure she will be able to guess that he pieced that together if she gave him her socials.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
