Can love bridge the gap between a woman who dreams of a wedding and a man who refuses to be a husband? Is it possible for two people to be truly happy together if they don’t want the same things out of life, or is that a sign of incompatibility?
This 29-year-old woman has a 42-year-old boyfriend, whom she’s been dating for close to three years. Now, they both have agreed to remain childfree, but they are not on the same page when it comes to getting married.
She’s told her boyfriend from the beginning that she dreams of a wedding, whereas he’s never wanted to get married at all. He’s made it clear to her that he has zero interest in being a husband; it’s not that he needs time to warm up to the idea.
“I’ll be honest: I stayed because I loved him and always hoped that if he truly loved me, he’d eventually change his mind. I’m realizing that may have been denial,” she explained.
“There’s been a lot of stress. About 5 months ago, my brother seriously assaulted my boyfriend (A&B with serious bodily injury). I witnessed it. There’s an ongoing court case.”
“I fully defended my boyfriend — it was absolutely my brother’s fault. After the incident, my boyfriend asked me to move out, took back my key, and I moved back in with my parents.”
What’s currently bothering her is the lack of a roadmap for how she and her boyfriend can move past the incident with her brother.
Her boyfriend had not addressed her moving back in with him, or how they can put this all behind them. He also has not said anything about a future together.
Her boyfriend has made comments about them being friends, then says sorry and backtracks while claiming not to know what he really means. So, they’re stuck in limbo.
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“I love him deeply, but I feel like I’m waiting without being chosen. Is this a fundamental incompatibility, even though we agree on not having kids?” she wondered.
“Am I holding onto false hope that he’ll change? Should I walk away even though I love him?”
Well, she hasn’t changed his mind in three years, and I doubt it will ever happen. She and her boyfriend just aren’t compatible with what they want out of life, and I’m convinced that what happened with her brother probably made her boyfriend really pause on continuing with their relationship; he just has yet to relay that to her.
If being married to her is more important than anything else, it’s time for her to let her boyfriend go and find a man who does want this.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
