Alright, I feel like all bets are off for spending quality time with your spouse or going out on dates with them if they request a divorce from you.
Otherwise, feelings get even messier, and the lines just get blurrier. Nothing good can come of pretending to still be in a functional marriage with the person who no longer wants to be with you, and he’s sadly finding that all out.
“My wife and I went out to dinner together for the first time since she told me she wants a divorce. From the outside, it probably looked normal, but when we walked into the restaurant, I realized I couldn’t hold her hand anymore,” he explained.
“That small moment hurt more than anything else. After dinner, we stopped for Dairy Queen, like we’ve done so many times before.”
“On the drive home, I broke down crying in the car. I wasn’t trying to make her feel bad or change anything — I just couldn’t keep it in. She noticed and grabbed my hand for a moment, which was comforting and painful at the same time.”
Later on that evening, he and his wife went out to a bar with two of her friends. He actually did make it to the bar with her, but he ended up leaving because he was so uneasy.
His wife wanted to know if he would be angry with her for remaining out, and he said no. He did go home alone, and his wife kept on drinking with her friends.
He’s been playing back all the scenes from their date night and driving himself crazy. Now, they do still live in the same house, adding to the confusion.
“We still say ‘I love you.’ We still care about each other. But she’s already processed this, and for me it’s still very fresh. It feels like I’m grieving something that’s still right in front of me,” he added.
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“The memories of how things used to be are the hardest part. I don’t know how to do this.”
Well, you don’t. You don’t do this. You don’t play house with the person who admitted they’re no longer interested in staying married to you, and he needs to learn that quickly.
He should not be dating his wife or hanging around her; he should be doing the opposite. He needs to move out of the house, and in the meantime, avoid his wife like the plague.
It’s like his wife is trying to have her cake and eat it too. Either she wants a divorce, which means he won’t be stuck to her like glue, or she doesn’t.
It’s not his job to figure that out for her, as he needs to focus on caring for himself.
What advice do you have for him? Do you agree that he needs to quit acting like he’s still married to his wife?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
