We grow up watching love stories play out on screen, and somewhere along the way, we either decide that kind of love is real and worth holding out for or we decide it’s a fantasy.
In reality, most people land somewhere in between. He’s built a life that looks incredible from the outside, and is still worried that he made the wrong choice; it might not be too late to do something about it.
Is the kind of love you see in movies actually attainable, or is it just something we invented to make real life feel more bearable?
This man looks like he has a picture-perfect life, and to an outsider, he’s someone to envy. He has four adult children who are wonderful. He’s been married to his wife for 30 years.
He has a successful company. He owns two houses. He has amazing friends. He goes on neat adventures. He truly seems to have it all.
“Just missing one thing – true love. I am miserable in my marriage and very lonely. It’s been about 3 years of this – I have been open with my wife, we are in marriage counseling, but I don’t see how things change,” he explained.
“She is a very nice person who would be absolutely devastated if we got divorced, but it’s very surface level, and I flat out don’t look forward to spending time with her 1:1. And I love physical touch, except I get repulsed when my wife touches me. Ugh.. I feel hopeless.”
He and his wife are entering a new chapter, as their kids are close to getting married and having their own families. Because of this, he has a nagging urge to rip off the Band-Aid, file for divorce, and try to find that true love he’s after.
The issue is he’s having a hard time pulling the trigger, as he knows his life will implode. However, he’s not feeling good about staying stuck in his marriage either.
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Then there are all the questions he’s trying to work through, such as: if he divorces his wife, will he be exiled from their social circles?
If he walks away, will he end up even lonelier than he is now? Is he absurd to think he has a chance at obtaining real love at his age, like in the movies?
“When I try to rationalize staying, I fear I will always wonder what could have been? Perhaps leaving is my only way to happiness. Or should I just [deal], as lots of other married couples do?” he wondered.
“I ask myself, what do I want in my life, and my answer is true love. More specifically, someone I can laugh with, be myself [with], enjoy spending time with, and share hopes and dreams [with]. But perhaps that’s an illusion and foolish.”
“Welcome comments about getting a ‘silver divorce’ and if the grass is in fact greener on the other side?”
Well, being in marriage counseling is a sign that he’s tried to make things work with his wife, but if he’s been unhappy for three years, maybe they have just grown apart.
The fear of loneliness on the other side of divorce is real, but so is the loneliness of sitting across the dinner table from someone you no longer have a connection with. Only he can weigh which one feels more survivable, and maybe starting with asking his wife for a separation makes the most sense.
What advice do you have for him? Do you believe the kind of deep, electric connection we see in movies is actually attainable in real life, or is it something we’ve romanticized beyond reach?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
