If you found out that your partner managed to save a whole lot more money than you, would you cry from embarrassment, or would you be proud of them?
This 28-year-old woman has been with her 32-year-old boyfriend for seven years, and they’re in the middle of moving into their own apartment.
For the last five years, they shared a house with another couple, and having roommates gave her the freedom to save up a good chunk of change.
She started learning how to save her money from a young age, but her boyfriend hasn’t been as committed to developing good financial habits.
“I also have always saved since I was a kid and would get birthday money as well as during the pandemic. I’ve tried many times to help him save money, budget, etc., but he has ADHD and is unable to keep it up for long,” she explained.
“Tonight, I made the mistake of showing him my savings account, and he immediately shut down and got upset. He actually started crying at the restaurant during our dinner.”
“It made me feel really awkward and bad, and I know he is mostly upset at himself for not managing his money better, but it feels a little personal. He kept asking me, ‘How did you save that much?’ and ‘I don’t get how you have so much, and I have so little,’ acting as if I had done something wrong.”
They equally split all of their expenses, including utilities, food, and rent, and they have the same salaries. She was making a little less than her boyfriend, but over the years, she got small raises, which boosted her income.
Meanwhile, her boyfriend’s salary has been stagnant, and he has no more potential to earn. She knows it’s wonderful that one of them has savings for a rainy day, but her boyfriend made her feel bad and guilty for the transparency.
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She’s really tried hard in the past to get her boyfriend to learn to be a better saver or make budgets, but he could never stick with it.
“I guess I am just wondering what you would do in the situation, and how I can help him? I really regret being open with him about my financial situation, which [stinks], since we have been dating since I was 21, and I have known him since I was 19,” she continued.
“I am a very detail-oriented person, and he is not. Since we are moving into a place with just the two of us, and it will be more expensive, I am worried that this strain will only get worse.”
It was kind of her to have invested her time in trying to teach her boyfriend how to approach money in a more sensible way, but in the end, they are just not financially compatible, and she needs to ask herself if that’s something she’s willing to live with.
If her boyfriend has made it to 32 without being that concerned about budgeting and saving, those are skills he is never going to learn then, and it’s not the fault of his ADHD; he just clearly doesn’t care.
I think their mismatched views on saving money will only put more strain on their relationship as time goes on, given her boyfriend’s negative reaction at dinner.
She should put a timeline on how much longer she’s willing to wait for him to get it together, because it shouldn’t be forever.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
