Imagine keeping a devastating cheating secret from your husband for nearly a decade, only for him to confess to a messy, out-of-town affair of his own when your life falls apart.
This 39-year-old woman has been married to her 45-year-old husband for 14 years, and she’s curious if what they have is even worth fighting for anymore.
Five years into their marriage, she was so incredibly lonely that she reunited with her ex and ended up sleeping with him while she was out of town.
She was instantly flooded with regret, and her husband never found out about it, because she kept it a secret from him and lived with the guilt.
“Over the past year, he (husband) has been going through a lot. Financial crisis, and we are basically losing it all. Our relationship has been bad over the last year; we had disconnected so much,” she explained.
“I do realize I pushed him away and was extremely disrespectful and non-supportive. He has always been into me…Over the past two years, I found messages that were a bit flirtatious whenever we would fight. Back in February, he cheated on me while out of town.”
“The girl (F 23) realized he was married the day after and told him her best friend was going to message me. He called me to tell me before they did. He has been very remorseful and told me he regretted it while in the act, that he was spiraling and was so lost, but that nothing excused his actions.”
Her husband has completely owned up to what he did and is accepting responsibility. They do have young children together, which makes it harder for her to walk away from the marriage.
Her husband has said he wants to fix their relationship and has found himself a therapist. His remorse is genuine, and he’s putting in the work so far to do better.
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But she’s not sure things can be repaired, even though she cheated on him first.
“The problem is, he cheated on his previous wife. His marriage ended for the same reason, and he had kids with her, too. He mentions he never wanted to rebuild his previous marriage because he was not in love with her,” she continued.
“He has begged me to try and make things right. I have been very understanding because of my own actions and because I am so afraid to break our family and all that comes with shared custody and all that.”
“I consider him my best friend. We understand each other and have seen the deepest and darkest versions of ourselves. Can relationships truly rebuild after infidelity? If so, what has worked for you?”
This is an unusually unique situation, because she’s been lying to her husband for a decade, and she was the first one to stray.
I have a difficult time feeling any empathy for her because she wronged her husband and doesn’t seem to have any remorse surrounding that.
The first step is for her to come clean and own up to her mistake. And then they should attend couples counseling to work on fixing things.
But if she doesn’t own up to what she did, it’s not worth trying to save this marriage.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
