She believed she found the ultimate anchor in her husband, and a love that could weather any storm. But then he left her for a younger woman he had only known for a matter of days, and never issued her a warning.
If your entire universe was shattered like that, how would you find the strength to believe in love again?
This 32-year-old woman received divorce papers from her husband a few days ago, which has broken her heart for a second time. But let’s rewind to nine months ago, when her husband left her so that he could take some time to think about their relationship.
But two months after her husband initiated a separation, she discovered that he was living with another woman. She spent seven years with her husband, and they have a young daughter.
They were in the middle of building a house when her husband decided that he was done. They spent weekends together as a family, had their own traditions, and created intertwined lives.
She was madly in love with her husband, and they pretty much never argued. Her husband was involved, affectionate, and caring throughout their time spent together.
Her husband made her feel safe. He brought her walls down. He gave her a place in the world. But within days, her illusion of happiness all fell apart.
“On August 4th, I accidentally saw messages between my husband and a 20-year-old girl we had BOTH met only two weeks earlier,” she explained.
“During a hiking trip together, he was hugging me, kissing me, calling me ‘my love,’ bringing me flowers in front of her. She took photos of us and talked about what a beautiful family we were. She befriended me, told me about her boyfriend; admired us and our daughter.”
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“And then a week later, I saw messages where he wrote that he wanted to hug her, that she was amazing, and that he realized he hadn’t loved me for a long time, after pregnancy and my health problems.”
While she was pregnant, she had a stroke, which caused her to lose hearing in one ear. She also had severe tinnitus in that specific ear, which led her to spiral into a dark depression.
After she found the messages her husband sent to that 20-year-old girl they knew for a hot ten seconds, they got into an enormous argument.
Her husband left their house the following day and made an appointment with a psychologist. One day later, he informed her that their marriage was over, he would not change his mind, and so she shouldn’t bother convincing him to stay.
“He said he realized I had never understood him the way she did. That I was immature and dependent. That taking care of me disgusted him now,” she added.
“I begged. I said I would change. I promised I would never go through his phone again. He said he needed to live separately and think. During that period, he still kept coming to see me. Sometimes we even [slept together].”
“I kept hoping it meant there was still a chance. Then I found out his new girlfriend was already living in our country house, the house we had waited for and built together for ourselves and our child. Among our daughter’s toys. Among my things. Although apparently he had already packed up my belongings and moved them out.”
Her husband told her later on that the word family repulsed him. He claimed not to miss her at all, despite trying to feel something for her. He stated that his girl showed him what true love finally felt like.
It hurts to be discarded like an old toy. She hardly speaks to her husband, and when she runs into him at work, he barely acknowledges her.
He’s curt when they discuss their daughter and lawyers. Her husband hasn’t once asked if she needs any assistance, though he is aware that she is alone now with nobody to help her.
But when things were good between them, he was so attentive, so that’s why she’s so surprised. Her husband recently said he doesn’t owe her anything, so she needs to lose that idea.
She’s been trying to focus on her job as a pediatric transplant surgeon, her work teaching doctors, and her daughter. She works out, lifts weights, and gets complimented on how amazing she looks, which has further left her flabbergasted over her husband finding someone else.
“My relationship with my husband became the first experience where I truly felt: I was chosen, wanted, someone wanted to build a life with me,” she continued.
“Because of him, I suddenly started loving autumn, winter, cozy home life, grocery shopping together, [and] ordinary family routines. For the first time, I understood why people even want families. And now everything feels empty again.”
“I think the most painful part isn’t even losing him specifically. It’s losing the feeling that I finally had a place where I belonged.
I’m completely alone. My family lives far away. My friends are already exhausted by my depression and don’t understand why I don’t ‘just find someone else,’ considering my appearance.”
“But I cannot even imagine touching another person. The thought of relationships disgusts me, yet I feel unbearably lonely.
I cry constantly. I snap at my daughter. I keep thinking about how just recently I had everything, and maybe I didn’t appreciate it enough?”
She had no clue that her husband was miserable, and she’s bitter over how he didn’t give her a shot to change what he felt was going sideways.
Her husband literally never uttered a word to indicate that he was unhappy. She is so heartbroken over her husband replacing her so quickly.
She’s left feeling worthless while wondering if she can recover after her sense of security and love have died alongside her marriage.
I think it feels like her ability to love is over and done with, considering what her husband so unfairly did to her, but it’s not. She will find a way to love again and move on when the grief dies down.
It’s wise for her to pour herself into her job and her daughter to help keep herself a bit preoccupied. It sounds to me like her husband had some kind of midlife crisis, which led him to throw what they built together away.
She should get herself a therapist to help her cope with everything, but there will be a rainbow after all of this rain.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
