There are some people out there who say they would happily help their own children raise their babies, but let’s get real, that’s a pretty overwhelming thing to sign up for, and there are parents who take advantage of that.
How would you feel if you witnessed your in-laws suffering because they allowed your sister-in-law to dump her kid on them to raise?
This woman and her husband are no longer speaking to his parents since they have been tasked with raising their grandchild. A year ago, her husband’s sister, Nikki, and her husband, Chad, welcomed their firstborn into the world.
“They are married, very well off, great family structure on both sides, etc. Things were really great at first, with the baby being born, everyone was excited, our family was very close, we hung out often, [and] we’ve always been really close with his parents,” she explained.
“For more background, Nikki has a long history of entitlement, and so does her husband; they have been very well taken care of by their parents on both sides and have never really had to make sacrifices or do without. Things got weird about a month in with the new baby.”
Her mother-in-law ended up babysitting while Nikki was at work during the week, but on Mondays and Wednesdays, the baby would sleep over at her in-laws’ house instead of going home to Nikki.
That alone wasn’t alarming, but then she and her husband realized the baby was always at her in-laws’ house and not just on the days or nights where her mother-in-law agreed to babysit.
The baby began spending weekends there and was with her mother-in-law more than 50% of the time. Every time that she and her husband have gone to her in-laws’ house this year, the baby was there every single time except for once, when the baby spent four nights in a row there, and her mother-in-law exhaustedly sent her back to Nikki.
“While I know there is a struggle with having a new child, I am just baffled that any new mom would leave their child with their grandparents this much,” she added.
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“And I know I personally would never expect my mother to watch my child so much, I just could never do that to her. So, my husband and I got distant, [his parents] acted like watching the baby was the greatest gift, even though we could see the toll it was taking on them.”
“We just couldn’t watch them being taken advantage of, and the entitlement as if they owed it to Nikki because she gave them a grandchild. Not only that, but we missed them. Anytime we spoke, it was about the baby. Anytime we went to visit them, the baby was there, and we had no adult conversation. They were so distracted and engulfed by the baby that it was like we didn’t even exist in the world.”
It wasn’t that she and her husband were envious since they don’t have kids, it’s that they were grieving the close bond they previously had with her in-laws.
Her in-laws did notice her and her husband pull back, and asked them about it months after the fact. But her in-laws would not admit that Nikki was dumping her baby on them for an unreasonable amount of time.
They also wouldn’t acknowledge that they were enabling Nikki. Instead, they told her and her husband to drop the topic and never speak of it again.
“They really just disregarded that we were hurt, that we were concerned, and they aren’t even upset that we are hurt; they are upset that we rocked the boat and confronted the situation,” she continued.
“Are they in denial? Are they blinded by the love they have for their grandchild? Are we the jerks?”
I understand it’s sad that she’s no longer close to her in-laws since the baby is now the center of their world, but there’s really nothing she can do about it.
They’re agreeing to let this happen.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
