I’m the kind of person who never understood why a couple should get married, unless it’s mutually beneficial. Otherwise, it just makes sense to stay single, right? Well, what would you do if you were left doing everything in a marriage while your spouse did literally nothing?
This 31-year-old man got married to his 28-year-old wife two years ago, and they have spent the last nine years with one another. They currently live in a major U.S. city.
“I think we are both attractive. To the public, I’m probably a 7/10, and my wife is around an 8/10. My wife grew up with an alcoholic father and a certifiably useless mother; my parents died when I was young,” he explained.
He’s spent years pulling all of the weight while his wife just sits there. He pays all of the bills in their house, he does the dishes and the laundry, and he purchases prepared meals for them since they don’t cook.
He takes them out on dates one to three times a week at restaurants of his wife’s choosing. He has home dates for her, and they watch movies or spend time in their spa or pool.
He pays for her to get her nails done or get facials. He changes the sheets on their bed, files their taxes, and takes their cars for oil changes. He even hired a landscaper and a maid to help make their lives easier.
“I fill her car with gas, fold her towel, bring her a water glass, bring her flowers every week or two, [buy her] diamond earrings, [a] BMW, bracelets, [a] diamond necklace, [take her on] luxury vacations to Europe or South America once a year, and 5-6 other domestic vacations within the US or Mexico/year,” he added.
He sends her sweet notes every single day. He paid for her to go to nursing school, and now she works 2 or 3 days a week at that. He does a great job getting along with her family.
He’s done everything in his power to be a perfect husband for her, but in exchange, she doesn’t do a single thing to help him out or let him know that she’s appreciative.
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His wife will not make the effort to cook food for him, though she previously would make a fast breakfast one to two times a month, yet quit doing it.
He has to remind his wife to go to her doctor appointments. He has to motivate her to attend social events. His wife loves to foster dogs for a week or two at a time, only to make him be the one to walk those pups.
She will miss birthdays and not think twice about it. She will get herself water before going to bed while he’s busy doing all of their chores, and she ignores him.
“I really don’t understand; she’s been to a psychiatrist, and she’s not severely depressed, but she does take a low level of antidepressants. We live in a 1.2 million dollar home in the suburbs of Houston (it’s nice),” he continued.
“I spend a lot of time with her. The question came up if she actually loved me, but I got access to her ChatGPT one day and saw several discussions where she asked ChatGPT why she is so selfish and why she doesn’t think to do things for me.”
“It’s like she doesn’t know why she’s so selfish herself. A while ago, she gave me a very lightly open marriage. I was allowed to go to a ‘cougar’ bar in the area and just talk to the ladies over there, and I [saw] a lot of trainwrecks post-divorce at the bar. I’m not sure if this is normal because, on top of my wife, I haven’t seen much hope, just observing other women in the wild.”
He has communicated his feelings to his wife, but she gets defensive and lies to his face. So she will lie and mention she was going to do the laundry before he asked her to pitch in, yet she won’t end up helping.
He has thought about getting a divorce, but he is worried that he won’t find someone better and that it will just be the same for him.
It’s crazy to me that his wife asked ChatGPT why she’s so selfish, because that means she has a level of self-awareness in her somewhere, yet can’t actually act on it.
Maybe she can’t get out of her own way because he’s made it too easy and comfortable for her? I’m not really sure; I’m pretty stumped here.
It could also be that she has no incentive to change because he hasn’t exactly made her do that. How she’s acting isn’t normal, but he has let her get away with her behavior.
I think he should look into separate therapists as well as couples counseling to help them make some headway here, since he is not interested in divorcing her.
It also might be worth getting a second opinion from another psychiatrist because perhaps there is more to what’s going on than meets the eye.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
