A promise ring is a symbol of a serious commitment between two people in a romantic relationship. It’s supposed to signal they’re exclusive and have a future, even if a wedding isn’t on the immediate horizon.
Many people consider it to be a pre-engagement ring, so how would you feel if your teen daughter’s boyfriend wanted to buy one for her?
Now, this woman has a 16-year-old daughter who is wonderful. Her daughter gets all As at school, and she was born to be a leader.
“She brings others together and isn’t afraid to share her opinion. One of my major frustrations is her relationship with her boyfriend. This is her first serious boyfriend,” she explained.
“They have been dating for a year and a half. At first, he was kind and sweet and super respectful. As time has gone on, I notice little one-off comments that are concerning, but I also know I cannot tell her who she can and cannot have a relationship with, so I just work to build her confidence and talk to her about making good decisions.”
“For example, he comes from a family where they spend a lot of money on name-brand things, and my family is a bunch of thrift store shoppers(we would much rather spend our money on making memories).”
Another thing she hates about her daughter’s boyfriend is that he trash-talks his friends, and when she catches him, she asks him how he would feel if people said bad things about him to get him to stop.
Last fall, her daughter’s boyfriend sent her a text saying he wanted to buy a promise ring for her daughter as a Christmas gift.
She was completely shocked and said no, she was not cool with that as a present for her daughter. She went on to tell her daughter’s boyfriend that her disapproval isn’t a sign that she dislikes him; it means she believes 16 is far too young to make commitments to someone that impact your future.
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Well, that upset her daughter’s boyfriend, and he spent weeks telling her daughter that he had his own mom and dad’s approval, and his parents stated he never should have said anything about the ring.
“He told my daughter, I want you to think about it from your own perspective and not your parents. I have talked to my daughter about it as well to see how she feels about it, and while she understands that she is young and that life could change so much, she also loves her boyfriend so very much,” she added.
“Edit: I should clarify: my daughter does not want the promise ring, and she has previously told her boyfriend so. Also, our family incomes are pretty equivalent.”
“I have tried to teach her that she doesn’t always need the newest iPhone and that if she saves that money, she will be able to live more comfortably during hard times.”
I view promise rings as something more along the lines of friendship bracelets at the age her daughter is. Just because her daughter’s boyfriend wants to get a promise ring doesn’t mean they’re going to be together forever.
Many relationships don’t stand the test of time at the tender age of 16, since everyone grows and changes a ton as they grow older.
A promise ring is silly, and I’m not sure why she found it so offensive. I think she needs to just let the relationship play out, and chances are good her daughter won’t even be with this guy after graduating high school.
And on the rare chance her daughter sticks with him, maybe he will grow into someone she likes more as time goes on.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
