Stop Chasing Others’ Ideas Of “Success,” And Start Putting Your Own Feelings Of Fulfillment First
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
What does “success” look like to you? You might be envisioning a wardrobe chock full of power suits, a lofty office in a high-rise building, and a prestigious degree framed and proudly hanging behind your desk.
Now, consider what makes you feel fulfilled. What environments make your life feel more meaningful? Are you envisioning a conference room with other executives, a bustling city, a sprawling beach, or a quiet forest?
Likewise, think about what activities make you feel a greater sense of purpose, passion, and contentment. Do you enjoy painting? Reading? Spending time in nature? Connecting with loved ones on a deeper level that surpasses surface-level gossip and small talk? Giving back to the community and making your tiny corner of the Earth a bit better than you found it?
These activities give us joy and peace, making us feel free while simultaneously connected to those around us. This is the epitome of fulfillment– what we should all be chasing.
I know this sounds counterintuitive. Growing up, you were probably told to be “successful.” So, you subsequently worked toward what other people told you “success” was and pictured this idea how it was portrayed in books and movie screens.
Maybe you pursued higher education and graduated with a prestigious degree. Perhaps you commute an hour or more to work in a major metropolitan city every day simply because that’s what everyone else in your family does.
Or you might be putting off investing in yourself and your true goals to save up for a house or children– ideas of adulthood success you think you are supposed to work toward.
But the truth is that there’s no one true meaning of “success.”
alonesdj – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
In society, the word is often tied to how much money you have in the bank or the job title you carry around to networking events. And don’t get me wrong: these are still achievements to be proud of.
However, your perceived success should never be an indicator of your self-worth, and it definitely is not a measure of true fulfillment– which is the ultimate goal.
Think about it: how many people do you know who “have it all?” The idea is enticing. A high-paying job, a loving partner, a paid-off home, and a sizable retirement fund in the bank. Most importantly, a sense of meaning and purpose that makes them feel truly alive every single day.
While all of this would be undeniably nice, such a well-rounded and seemingly perfect life is far from the norm. So, people prioritize certain areas in hopes of achieving some semblance of the bigger picture.
For many, this starts with money and the idea that financial “success” will lead to fulfillment. Maybe a nicer car, a bigger house, and a rainfall shower will make the every day feel less bleh, right?
For others, climbing the corporate ladder just seems like what they “should” do. After all, if you dedicate twenty-plus years of your life to a field, you are supposed to reap a nice salary and benefits package in the end, right?
Now, take a second to consider all of the years these people spend working and waiting. Waiting to feel like they have achieved success, waiting to feel like they are worthy of or allowed to truly enjoy their lives.
The somewhat sad reality, though, is that they have always been worthy. But by putting others’ ideas of “success” at the top of their list, they forgot to prioritize their own meaning and fulfillment.
Obviously, I know that hardly anyone can just quit their jobs to pursue their true interests full-time. It’s not realistic to completely forego “the system,” and I am not encouraging you to do that.
Instead, I am encouraging you to take a step back and truly think about what success and fulfillment mean to you.
You very well may feel entirely empowered and fulfilled at work. Maybe you are making an impact and truly believe your career provides you with a vehicle to help change the world. If so, kudos to you.
If not, though, that is completely okay.
First of all, being honest with yourself and evaluating your own needs and wants is not a bad thing. And by taking a closer look at your life, you can start to make meaningful changes, switching the narrative about your end goal from “success” to “fulfillment.”
Too often, people use their jobs as crutches to delay their true desires. We have all fallen victim to it: claiming not to have enough time or money to do what we really want. But, this statement is detrimental for a few reasons.
Primarily, it is one of the oldest excuses in the book– so most people can relate, meaning that no one will hold you accountable. Plus, this mindset allows you to think that you are “off the hook,” as if your life is no longer in your hands and your reality can be blamed on something else.
Quite frankly, though, you have to realize that only you decide how to live your life. Every day is a direct consequence of our own decisions– of how we choose to live out our minutes, days, and hours on Earth.
It might sound existentialist, but it’s true. Absolutely nothing in our lives is guaranteed– whether that be salaries, partners, future children, or the length of our existence.
So, at the end of the day, we have to start putting fulfillment first. Again, you may not be able to quit your job and relocate to an idyllic remote island to achieve your ideal feelings of peace.
But if you recognize that your own inner fulfillment is worth investing in, then you can start making tiny choices every single day to put yourself first.
Stop running on the hamster wheel and chasing after someone else’s vision of “success,” and start working toward your own. Nourish relationships or finally book that vacation you have been putting off for years. Sign up for an art class, try out yoga, or just take some time to breathe at the end of the day.
Whatever it is that makes you feel fulfilled, just start doing it. And if you don’t really know yet, begin trying out new experiences.
The most important thing you have to realize is that nurturing your own feelings of joy, self-worth, and meaning is a part of being “successful.” And from there, we can start to define what our own versions of “success” look like.
So stop feeling guilty, making excuses, and delaying your true wants in life. Instead, draw a line in the sand and start finally putting your feelings of fulfillment first.
If true crime defines your free time, this is for you: join Chip Chick’s True Crime Tribe
8 Ways To Make Sure Your Stepparents Feel Included At Your Wedding
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:Advice