For him, the grief surrounding his dad didn’t come from death; it came from watching the parent he once recognized change into someone he doesn’t understand, and didn’t ask for.
His dad didn’t just change their name or their appearance; it cracked the foundation of what home felt like. And as much as he wants to be open-minded, the truth is, he still feels lost and alone in it.
This 18-year-old guy has a twin sister, and their parents got divorced after their dad mentioned a few years ago that he wanted to transition into a woman.
He and his sister kept on living with their dad following the split, since their dad was the one who got to keep their family house after the divorce.
While he has empathy for his dad wanting to live life on his (or rather, her) terms, he feels humiliated and wants absolutely nothing to do with his dad now.
“I feel so angry, especially because he made this decision to tear our family apart 4 years ago, and people used to bully… me and my sister whenever my dad, who everyone knew as a guy, all of a sudden started to come to my school meetings and events dressed as a woman.”
He’s so hurt and would prefer not to be involved in his dad’s life. Eventually, he told his dad he should stay at home and not go out in public, since he felt that upset about his new look.
He’s also grown resentful of his dad. He would prefer not to refer to his dad as ‘she’ or his ‘mom,’ which is what his dad wants. He hates watching his dad put on makeup, long hair, and dresses.
He’s afraid for his friends to see this new side of his dad, especially since many of them knew his dad well prior to the transition.
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“…I’ve never dealt with anything more mortifying. I just feel like screaming into the void because why is this my life?” he wondered.
“Sometimes I feel bad because I know my dad is really trying; he spoils me and my sister a lot more, but whenever I look at him, I just can’t help the resentment. It’s just so wrong. I’ve never cared if anyone else transitioned, but why my dad? It’s not fair.”
I think he needs space to feel what he’s feeling, without being shamed into silence. Until he lets himself feel the loss of the old version of his parent, he’s not going to be able to move forward. It’s okay to not be okay with it right now, but he can’t stay stuck forever.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
