He’s Explaining What Your Ex Really Meant When They Broke Up With You
One thing that nearly everyone has in common is heartbreak. Though heartbreak comes from a multitude of reasons, a lot of people feel that pain from breaking up with their partner. It doesn’t make it any easier when your ex is the one that broke it off with you.
According to TikToker Benny, @coachbennydating, ex-partners tend to do these two things when ending your relationship.
As a relationship coach, he’s breaking down what they really meant when they said they were done with you.
“When your ex broke up with you, they might have said one of these two things,” he said. “Here’s what it really means.”
The first thing that they might throw at you has to do with the fact that they need some time away to fix all of their own problems.
“So one thing that’s really really common that people say when they’re breaking up with somebody is that they need time to work on themselves– they just want to focus on themselves,” he said.
“A lot of times what this really means is that, you know, the obligations of the good morning text, the good night text…however many times that you guys see each other…whatever familiarity you guys have built up and the expectations that come from that in terms of time, and maybe not doing other things, it’s starting to wear down on them,” he added.
It’s a lot to absorb, but essentially it’s that they’re getting tired of the standard ‘relationship rules’ that they have to follow. Maybe it feels time-consuming, or maybe they feel like they have to do all of the things that Benny mentions, and they feel tied down.
“They want to experience more of that freedom that they had when they were single,” he said. “When everything’s new and exciting, the fact that they’re not doing other things and spending time with you is compelling enough for them to stay in the relationship.”
Vladimir – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
The relationship feels old, stale, and boring. It’s not fun and new anymore, which is why they’ve lost interest and cut it off.
“You have to observe this statement as indicative of a loss of attraction,” he said. “It’s a heightened state of attraction that you’re no longer in.”
It can be really sad to see your relationship in this state or to have to face the fact that your partner no longer finds you attractive.
But Benny explained how commonplace these kinds of responses are. It happens to nearly everyone.
“Another thing that exes commonly say when they’re breaking up with you is that they need space,” he said. “Much like when they say they want to focus on themselves, it can mean the same thing.”
Both of these excuses that exes give are really derived from the same desire: freedom.
“They’ve experienced this loss of identity and loss of freedom, and they want to kind of get a grip on that again,” he said. “But it also could mean that they’re actually breaking up with you, you know, like they need a break–which is really a breakup–and for some undisclosed amount of time…you’re no longer going to be together.”
This response is a tricky one because it is double-sided. They don’t want to deal with you anymore, but they also don’t want you totally out of their life.
“They don’t wanna have to go through, you know, dealing with your emotions after they cut you loose, and they also want to keep you on the back burner,” he said. “That way, they can date other people and see how that works out, and if it doesn’t work out, they can come back to you.”
Though either answer is difficult to take, and no matter how upset you are, you shouldn’t try to get them back with them immediately afterward.
No matter what they say, they’re done with you–for now. Wait a little while, and then reach out to them.
“In either case, the root cause of the problem is a loss of attraction,” he said. “If your partner said either one of these two things, you need to focus on how to re-attract them, and a lot of this is going to have to do with going no contact and living your best life.”
It might not all be over for you after this. If you keep on living and reach out much later to them, “maybe, just maybe, they might come back around.”
@bennylichtenwalner Here’s what your ex REALLY meant when they said what they said what they said after the breakup #relationship #ex #breakup #divorce
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