There absolutely are people out there who get married for convenience rather than love, or for the benefits their partner provides. If you tied the knot with your spouse because they provided you with what you were looking for, but then your best friend confessed that they’re in love with you, what would you do?
This 29-year-old woman got married close to a year ago, and she’s been with her 32-year-old husband for five years so far. Now, she has a male best friend the same age as her named Jay, and they have been glued to the hip since they were 10.
“To tell you the truth, I always loved him. But always disregarded it as a childhood crush or just romanticizing him. We never ever spoke about feeling anything for each other,” she explained.
“Always platonic. Never flirted. Nothing. But I also did measure every man against him. The last year I have seen very little of him. After I got engaged, he forged a major distance between us.”
She thought Jay was growing aloof as his own relationship with his girlfriend was morphing into something more serious. Also, she got married pretty quickly after getting engaged, so she had enough to deal with.
Last week, Jay dropped by her house and said that he’s moving to England for a contracting job. He works in the film industry and will need to live across the pond for the next three years.
And what came out of Jay’s mouth next hit her like a ton of bricks.
“He told me he respected my relationship and didn’t want to cause me any harm….But he needed to finally tell me that he was in love with me,” she added.
“He has loved me all this time. He told me that he thinks I’m his soulmate. But he is moving away because he knows I don’t feel the same. I thanked him for telling me and told him I have to think carefully about what to say. I haven’t said anything yet.”

Jay still is with his girlfriend, but he said this girl isn’t someone he really cares about anyway, so it seems he’s willing to dump her in a heartbeat.
She’s trying to collect her thoughts while not owning up to being in love with Jay. The problem is, she has always been in love with Jay.
She and Jay have a bond unlike what she has with her own husband. She speaks to Jay in a way she doesn’t with anyone else in her life.
She can be vulnerable with Jay. They can talk about little things and deep things. When she watches movies, and there’s a romantic scene, she thinks about Jay. She hears songs on the radio and instantly wants to share them with Jay.
“I guess I never realized what that meant. Someone help me. I feel like a horrible person for thinking these things. I haven’t said anything to my partner,” she said.
“To be brief, my current partner is a wonderful person [who] is [a] safe person [and] doesn’t have a connection with me in this way. I won’t get into it, but I chose him as my partner because he is a wonderful and safe calm from a lot of deep childhood abuse and trauma.”
“Meanwhile, I guess I never realized that Jay has been fulfilling all my emotional needs all this time. Again, it’s never been inappropriate. I talk to him like I talk to my girl best friend. I’m undoing a lot from my childhood right now, and I guess I’m realizing I’ve made a lot of decisions out of survival and not from my heart. I feel like my earth is cracked down the middle. I feel scared.”
Well, I mean she and her husband both deserve to have people who genuinely love them, and I’m sad they have not found that with one another.
I don’t understand why Jay waited years to tell her that he has feelings for her or why he didn’t say something before her wedding. This is like a real-life version of The Notebook, except I don’t see how this is going to have a happy ending.
But the bottom line here is that she’s clearly not happy with her husband, and she should move on, regardless of whether Jay is in the picture or not.
What advice do you have for her?
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