She’s Wondering How Marriages Survive After Adding Children Because She Cannot Figure Out How To Make It Work With Her Husband Anymore
This 29-year-old woman and her husband, who is 36, welcomed their first child into the world eight months ago. But, raising their newborn together has been far from sunshine and rainbows.
Instead, she admitted that the past eight months have been the most difficult time in their marriage.
For context, she is currently a full-time student and stay-at-home mom; meanwhile, her husband works full-time.
And during the first few months following their child’s birth, her husband did not help out much– which pushed her to become quite resentful.
“I felt so alone in the first few months postpartum. I will never forget how isolating it was, and sometimes still is,” she said.
Eventually, she did talk to her husband about getting more help. In fact, they had at least 10 to 15 conversations before he finally started to pitch in more.
However, she really doesn’t even remember much of what was said during those discussions– mostly because everything has been a giant blur due to postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.
“Also, after having a baby, it’s like I changed completely as a person, and he… didn’t,” she revealed.
“His life seems to have become mostly unchanged while mine is so different.”
Alena Ozerova – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
At night, her husband still doesn’t help her with the baby, either. And even though she has tried some different sleep training methods in an effort to get more sleep, they have not been successful.
So, she feels like she is in “survival mode,” and her husband is not responding to it well.
He has expressed wanting to get their physical relationship back to normal. But every time he touches her, she just feels angry and like she is being objectified.
It also seems to her that her husband just so happens to want to be close to her whenever she is upset or feeling her worst. However, whenever she tries to express her feelings, he just claims that she is “always upset.”
All of this had pushed her to realize that, in the past, she was able to ignore some things about her husband back when it was just the two of them navigating life together. But now that they have a child, her husband’s issues feel more obvious and even glaring.
For instance, she thinks he just is not a thoughtful person. Plus, he seems completely fine with letting her drown in the childcare.
At the same token, though, her husband reportedly feels the opposite. In fact, he believes that she discredits all of his contributions– even though she cannot remember ever discrediting him and is honestly confused why he thinks that.
She obviously appreciates that he works, but she isn’t sure how else to show her appreciation aside from telling her husband. Plus, she thinks she doesn’t have any time to do anything else to show her gratitude while caring for their baby.
Yet, her husband has reportedly said some passive-aggressive comments that hurt her feelings. And despite later claiming they were “jokes,” her husband admitted to acting like that since he felt discredited.
“So, I am honestly at a loss on how marriages survive having kids,” she vented.
She realizes that they are now in their seventh year of being in a relationship, and she claimed to have heard that milestone was tough for other couples, too.
That’s why she has suggested going to couples counseling on a few occasions. But, every time, her husband turned it down.
She has also confided in other loved ones about the situation, and they apparently acted like her struggles were normal– telling her that her relationship would improve during her kid’s toddler years. However, that does not make any sense to her.
“I’m just confused about how women are having more than one baby if this is the reality?” she asked.
So, in the wake of her marital troubles, she’s been left wondering how marriages survive after having children and how to make her relationship work.
If you and your partner have kids, did you go through this? Is their home dynamic sustainable in the long term? How would you handle this situation if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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