He Created A Secret Bank Account And Spent $22,000 On His Hobbies Behind His Wife’s Back, So She’s Now Saying Their Marriage Is Over

ty - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
ty - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

This 36-year-old guy has been married to his wife, who is also 36, for about seven years.

But, before he tied the knot, he was a huge hobbyist interested in things such as archery, hunting, diving, spearfishing, bicycling, and more.

Then, after they got married, his hobbies went through a transition period. First of all, his wife did not like how much time and money he spent on his hobbies. Plus, since they had a child, he was forced to switch some of his hobbies to activities that he could participate in close to home.

Still, he does not really feel like he gets to fulfill his desire for personal activities that much anymore.

“My hobbies take up a lot of my mental time, but given my parenting and household duties, I honestly don’t get much time to actually participate in them,” he said.

And since he cannot physically participate as much as he once could, he now “participates” in hobbies financially. In other words, he just buys items that are related to his favorite activities and collects them. For instance, new bows for archery or new optics, dive gear, and bicycle equipment.

He calls these hobby shopping sprees “gear binges.”

However, he knew that his wife would never approve of such purchases. That’s why he started hiding his investments in his hobbies by setting up an entirely separate bank account and depositing cash payments that he received from his clients.

Whenever his wife noticed that a new item arrived at their home, he would just claim to have traded or sold a different item already in his collection. And this was not always a lie.

ty – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

Nonetheless, he spent a total of $22,000 on his hobbies since late 2021; meanwhile, only $3,000 to $4,000 worth of items were traded or sold.

He detailed how the purchases increased significantly over the past year because he was attempting to find a “dopamine source” while dealing with a stressful job, raising his child, and a lost pregnancy.

Still, from his wife’s perspective, he cheated and lied to her. And he fully admits to that.

He knows that he committed financial infidelity. So, after she found out about his lofty purchases, he gave her access to every financial account he had.

Regardless, his wife still does not trust him and claims that their marriage is over.

Given their current financial state, though, he seemingly does not view his spending as a major problem.

In total, they have about $2 million in assets and zero debt.

“To put this all into perspective, the amount of money I spent is a rounding error for our finances overall. It’s around 1% of our total assets, 5% of our annual net income, and around 3% of our annual net income if you compare what I spent in a given year,” he explained.

He also claimed that he only hid the money because he became resentful of his wife once she tried to restrict his spending habits in the past.

The first time they ran into issues over his hobby investments, she said they both had to agree on every single purchase either of them made.

And from his perspective, this was just his wife taking full financial control since he would never think that her spending was a problem. In fact, he actually encouraged his wife to spend more money on herself.

Then, the second time she caught him making hobby purchases, his wife loosened the agreement a bit. But he still was not happy.

She claimed that he could spend $50 a month on hobby purchases without her approval because she felt guilty about being so restrictive the last time.

“Again, this caused resentment because I felt like I had no control over my finances or money earned, so I eventually started sneaking purchases, which snowballed,” he admitted.

To make matters worse, he realizes that his wife probably feels even more insulted since she did help him out a lot financially before he progressed in his career.

Prior to getting married, she actually paid off his student loans– which were in the low six figures. Plus, when they were both in school, she paid off his credit card debt, which was in the low four figures.

That was about ten years ago, and their financial situation has since turned around significantly.

Together, they now make a combined income of $400,000 after taxes. His income has since caught up to and exceeded his wife’s, depending on the year. So, they live off of approximately $40,000 each year, with the rest being saved and/or invested.

Regardless of their stable financial situation, though, his wife is really upset that he lied and deceived her. So, he has no clue what to do or how to get his wife to give him a second chance.

“I know she’s never going to believe me that I’m never going to do this again. I’ve said it to her and to myself plenty of times, and I failed at keeping my word,” he vented.

That’s why his wife actually claimed that their relationship was completely over and even said no amount of counseling could help them recover.

In her mind, she is never going to be able to trust him again. And she feels like, with that cornerstone so damaged, their marriage is ruined.

So, his wife has since gone basically no contact with him. And now, he’s been left wondering how to move forward and if there’s any way to reassure his wife that they can work through this situation.

Is the large bill he racked up the problem? Or is it less about the finances and more about how he continuously lied to his wife? Do you think their marriage can ever recover from this? If you were his wife, what do you think he would have to do to fix this? 

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing ... More about Katharina Buczek

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